Do Women Bring More Happiness to Families, Greater Effectiveness to Organizations?

A participant in a recent session Jason Pankau and I were teaching on Connection Cultures and employee engagement shared that she connects with her sons by talking about sports. She follows sports, not out of a love for it, but because it  gives her a language to connect with her boys. By contrast, her conversations with women tend to be about what happens in their day-to-day lives.

Her comments reminded me of a recent article in The New York Times entitled “Why Sisterly Chats Make People Happier.” The article noted research has concluded families with sisters are happier.   The article’s author believes this is true because women initiate and sustain conversations more than men.

This is consistent with my own personal observations.  

The Pride Paradox

Michael Lee Stallard and Jason Pankau

In a recent post, I (Michael) wrote about a leader who imparted his values to the people he was responsible for leading at work and to his children.  In this post, we’ll address the “pride paradox” that relates to values.

Imparting one’s values to others and judging them based on their values has the potential to create a culture of self-righteousness and legalism. Mark Twain alluded to this when he described some people as “good in the worst sense of the word.”

Don’t get us wrong, great leaders impart their values to others and judge others by their values.  Herein lies the paradox.  Some leaders who do this fail to develop what is arguably the most important character value: humility.

Best Posts on Leadership from Top Bloggers

Dan McCarthy at Great Leadership hosted this month’s leadership carnival that features best blog posts of top bloggers on leadership. Here’s what Dan wrote about it:

Welcome to the September 5th, 2010 Leadership Development Carnival Back to Football edition! Yes, Fall is in the air, and the NFL kicks off it’s season this Thursday with a rematch of last year’s NFC championship game – the Saints and the Vikings.

To get in the spirit of the season, this month’s Carnival is set up as if you’re watching the big game, from tailgating to post game highlights. So grab your favorite snack and beverage and get ready for some championship caliber leadership development advice and opinions from some of the best bloggers in the league.

To Impart Your Values

How do you impart values to the people you are responsible for leading, including your children? Recently I had the opportunity to watch a leader who does this well. I’d like to share three critical actions that I believe are necessary to impart your values and I think you will be inspired by and learn from his example.

1. Communicate Your Values, Upfront and Often

Leaders need to lead courageously by telling people what they believe. Ted (not his real name) has developed a small, pocket-sized, laminated card that describes his values and has given the card to all of the employees of his company.  The contents on the card define what behavior Ted expects of himself and of the people he is responsible for leading. Each morning a one-page sheet entitled “Connect” is circulated throughout Ted’s company that includes a story about employees living out one of the values.  Work groups meet briefly each morning to review the Connect sheet.

One morning I attended a session that Ted holds each week with his leadership team and a select number of potential leaders.  There were about 30 people in attendance. Ted stood upfront where he spoke and facilitated the session.  During the time the group discussed one chapter in a leadership book they were reading together. About one-third of the 60-90 minutes session is set aside for small group deliberations.  The material they covered the day of my visit was on the value that is most important to Ted: caring about people.  Studying great books is an ideal way to learn and grow, and to bring the team together.  This shared practice also helps maintain awareness of and reinforce the importance of Ted’s values.

2. Live Your Values Daily

It is said that values are caught not taught.  I don’t agree.  Values are taught and caught.  Both are critical.

Burnout Results From Living in Conflict with Values

The New York Times recently had an article on rising burnout among clergy entitled “Taking a Break from the Lord’s Work.”  The article was followed by a thoughtful op-ed entitled “Congregations Gone Wild.”

Effective leadership, employee engagement and employee motivation are closely linked to the alignment of behavior with personal values. In the case of clergy, putting a muzzle on pastors so they are unable to preach in a way that is consistent with their values is a sure path to burnout.

This is a very important issue that everyone should spend time thinking about. Set aside time this month to list your values.  Ask yourself, “what do I believe in and what’s important to me in the way I live my life?”  Then compare what you wrote down with how you presently live.   During the Depression, a young financial analyst working in London did this exercise. Years later reflecting on it he wrote that “people, I realized, is what I value and I had no desire to be the richest man in the cemetery.” That young man, Peter Drucker, left his well-paying job and went on to become the father of management consulting. In “How Peter Drucker Changed My Life” I wrote about how Drucker’s writings affected my own career decisions.

What if you discover there are differences in your values and how you are presently living?  My advice is to invite 2-3 people you trust and respect to meet with you, discuss your analysis and thoughts about how you might take action to close the values gaps.  You may find all that is necessary is to speak with your supervisor about making changes to your present job or something more may be required such as moving to a different job or business unit in your organization, or, in the the most extreme instances, changing careers altogether.  Whatever the case, ignoring the present stressful state is never wise because if affects your mental and physical heath, your relationships and your job performance. Having conversations with people you trust will help reduce the stress you feel and also help clarify your thinking so that you can develop a clear plan to move forward to a better state of work and a better life.

Video Training: Connection Cultures in Churches

Some of you know that in addition to speaking and teaching leadership at organizations such at Google, NASA, Johnson & Johnson and the University of Virginia’s Darden Graduate School of Business, Jason Pankau and I frequently speak in churches about how Judaeo-Christian values lived out create what we refer to as a “Connection Culture.” To learn more, watch the following video series of Jason Pankau teaching a workshop on Connection Cultures for Churches.

Session 1 – The Case for Connection
Session 2 – Creating a Connection Culture
Session 3 – Inspiring Identity
Session 4 – Knowledge Flow
Session 5 – Committed Members and Servant Leaders

LeaderLab Podcast Interview

Jason Pankau and I were recently guests on LeaderLab’s podcast interviews available online or at iTunes. LeaderLab’s podcasts are hosted by David Burkus. David’s past guests on LeaderLab’s podcasts have included Marshall Goldsmith, Daniel Pink and Steve Farber. Check it out.

July’s Leadership Carnival

Every month I participate in a leadership carnival with several bloggers whose work I respect. Each blogger selects one of their best blog posts over the course of the  prior month and submits it for inclusion in the carnival.   Below are links to the blog posts for the July leadership carnival.

Has Jim Goodnight Cracked the Code of Corporate Culture?

Today, The Economic Times in India published an article I wrote about Jim Goodnight and SAS Institute.  The article is based on an interview I conducted with Goodnight at Giant Impact’s Leadercast conference in Atlanta.  You can read my article at The Economic Times‘ website or below.