Category Archives: Character

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TED: Brene Brown on Connection





Thanks to my friend David Zinger, head of the Employee Engagement Network, for bringing this outstanding TED presentation to my attention.  It features Dr. Brene Brown speaking about her research on the importance of connection to joy and flourishing in life.  Over the course of her remarks, Dr. Brown touches on issues of shame, authenticity, courage, worthiness and numbing our emotions to cope with pain.   It’s a thought-provoking presentation that I highly recommend. It’s relevant to leaders and individual contributors, and it applies to both work and life outside of work.

If you would like to hear more about Dr. Brene Brown and her work. Check out this excellent interview on public radio. Additional information can be found at Dr. Brown’s website.

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Free Linkage Leadership Webinars

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Jason Pankau and I spoke on a webinar for Linkage about maximizing employee engagement and alignment.  You can see the 60-minute webinar at this link.  You may also be interested in other free webinars offered by Linkage at this link.

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Mrs. Hesselbein: “To Serve is to Live”

Frances Hesselbein, To Serve Is To Live. from Leader to Leader on Vimeo.

In Fired Up or Burned Out, we wrote about Frances Hesselbein, the former CEO of the Girl Scouts of the USA and current chairman of the Leader to Leader Institute As we were about to part following lunch, I’ll never forget Mrs. Hesselbein looking me directly in the eyes and saying “just remember, to serve is to live.” Here is an outstanding video about Mrs. Hesselbein’s life entitled “To Serve is to Live.” Check it out.

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We Need More “Heart and Soul” in the Age of “Mind and Strength”

Wise organizations distinguish themselves from competitors by developing their heart and soul. Organizations that have heart and soul enrich their owners, customers and communities in both economic and non-economic ways.

What do I mean by heart and soul?  Let me explain.

While out running errands one day when we were relatively new to town, my wife stopped in at one of several jewelry stores on the main shopping street.  The cases were filled with beautiful pieces, new and heirloom.  The salespeople, however, were more than aloof.  They ignored her.  No eye contact.  No smile.  No “hello, my name is X, may I help you?”  This lack of connection made her feel as if they thought she was unworthy of their attention.  Not surprisingly, she has never gone back. These salespeople lacked the qualities I describe as heart and soul.

The absence of heart and soul in the workplace is not unusual.  This is the age of mind and strength. So often we focus on the tasks of our work and neglect the relational aspects.  As human beings we have emotions, hopes and dreams, a conscience, and deeply felt human needs.  Research from a variety of fields has shown that when we recognize these realities and treat others in ways consistent with them, we thrive. When we don’t, it is damaging to our mental and physical health and to the health of those around us.

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Vince Lombardi on Broadway?

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It takes guts to bring a drama to Broadway these days without a megastar playing the lead.  To top it off, the producers of the show Lombardi promise to reveal why the legendary coach of the Green Bay Packers football team was so successful.  Lots of luck with that, I thought, when I first read about the show.  My curiosity got the best of me, however, once I learned that Lombardi was based on one of my favorite sports biographies, David Maraniss’ When Pride Still Mattered: A Life of Vince Lombardi.

To my great surprise, Lombardi was enthralling and inspiring.  My wife and I were among the many enthusiastic audience members who expressed our appreciation with a standing ovation at the show’s conclusion.

What first stood out to me about the show was its supurb acting. Dan Lauria who played the dad on the Emmy award-winning television series, The Wonder Years, portrayed Vince Lombardi flawlessly.  Deconstructing Lauria’s performance doesn’t capture what he pulled off but suffice it to say that Lauria’s walk, talk, facial expressions and sheer dominating presence were pure Lombardi.

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At Times, Trust = Connection + Contract

Research has shown that insisting on a written contract reduces trust.  There are times when it’s best to avoid a written contract.  After all, it takes time to work through a written agreement and if you hire a lawyer, it can get expensive.

At other times, however, it’s wise to reduce the terms of an agreement to writing.  A written agreement encourages greater clarity and reduces the risk of misunderstanding.  You would be surprised how often people assume there is a meeting of minds when in fact substantial differences exist.  This is especially true when it comes to more complex agreements and agreements that are executed over longer periods of time.

Another benefit of a written agreement is that it makes it easier for successors to step in to execute the terms of the agreement if one of the parties changes roles in their company, leaves their company or gets hit by a bus.

Personally, I like to get most agreements in writing while taking time to develop a connection with the individuals I’m entering into the agreement with.  I get to know them as people by asking questions about where they grew up and what their interests are outside of work.  I try to find shared interests, values and experiences that develop a connection and trust.

The “Connection + Contract” approach applies to “internal contracts” inside your organization too.  When you send someone an email or memo the summarizes what each of you agreed to do and when you will do it, you are creating a written internal contract.

Connection + Contract has the benefit of building trust that comes from developing a connection while also bringing greater clarity of terms that will maximize a meeting of the minds and expectations.

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The Pride Paradox

Michael Lee Stallard and Jason Pankau

In a recent post, I (Michael) wrote about a leader who imparted his values to the people he was responsible for leading at work and to his children.  In this post, we’ll address the “pride paradox” that relates to values.

Imparting one’s values to others and judging them based on their values has the potential to create a culture of self-righteousness and legalism. Mark Twain alluded to this when he described some people as “good in the worst sense of the word.”

Don’t get us wrong, great leaders impart their values to others and judge others by their values.  Herein lies the paradox.  Some leaders who do this fail to develop what is arguably the most important character value: humility.

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To Impart Your Values

How do you impart values to the people you are responsible for leading, including your children? Recently I had the opportunity to watch a leader who does this well. I’d like to share three critical actions that I believe are necessary to impart your values and I think you will be inspired by and learn from his example.

1. Communicate Your Values, Upfront and Often

Leaders need to lead courageously by telling people what they believe. Ted (not his real name) has developed a small, pocket-sized, laminated card that describes his values and has given the card to all of the employees of his company.  The contents on the card define what behavior Ted expects of himself and of the people he is responsible for leading. Each morning a one-page sheet entitled “Connect” is circulated throughout Ted’s company that includes a story about employees living out one of the values.  Work groups meet briefly each morning to review the Connect sheet.

One morning I attended a session that Ted holds each week with his leadership team and a select number of potential leaders.  There were about 30 people in attendance. Ted stood upfront where he spoke and facilitated the session.  During the time the group discussed one chapter in a leadership book they were reading together. About one-third of the 60-90 minutes session is set aside for small group deliberations.  The material they covered the day of my visit was on the value that is most important to Ted: caring about people.  Studying great books is an ideal way to learn and grow, and to bring the team together.  This shared practice also helps maintain awareness of and reinforce the importance of Ted’s values.

2. Live Your Values Daily

It is said that values are caught not taught.  I don’t agree.  Values are taught and caught.  Both are critical.

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When Good Blooms from Gloom

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Two stories in The New York Times this weekend reminded me that good often blooms from gloom.  In “Detroit Goes from Gloom to Economic Bright Spot,” Bill Vlasic writes that the American automobile manufacturers are emerging from a near-death experience as leaner, more grounded, humbler, and more long-term oriented organizations.  In a different field altogether, that of men’s professional basketball, Scottie Pippen was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame yesterday.  Read about it in “Stepping Out of Jordan’s Shadow, Pippen to Enter Hall.”   I was inspired to learn about Pippen’s remarkable climb from humble origins and how he came back from an embarrassing episode that occurred years ago when he refused to play in a crucial game. Pippen learned from his mistake then moved on to become an even better player, leader and human being.

There is real wisdom in these stories.  As human beings, we are imperfect.  Good times often puff us up and develop hubris in our character (i.e., over-confidence, arrogance and the negative aspects of pride).  This applies to organizations as well as to individuals.  Tough times, on the other hand, as hard as they may be, are opportunities to develop the humility we need to thrive over the long-term.

How does humility help us thrive?  When we are humble, we are more likely to seek, listen to and consider the opinions and ideas of others.  Facing difficulties, we are more likely to reach out to God and to our family and friends for help rather than see ourselves as self-sufficient.  In a state of humility, we are more likely to develop a number of other character strengths such as kindness, graciousness, gratitude, patience and perseverance or fortitude.

Are you going through tough times?  If so, I suggest the following:

1. Devote time each day to prayer. When I pray, I like to focus on thanking God for the many blessings in my life and I pray for the needs of others as well as for wisdom in the important decisions I must make.

2. Make a list of things for which you are grateful. My wife’s list might include M&Ms, the color red, video chatting with our daughters, reading the newspaper in her pajamas, and having survived both breast and advanced ovarian cancer.  Counting our blessings gives us perspective.  The negativism of today can influence us so that, without our even being aware, we get caught up in it (a condition that sociologists describe as “emotional contagion”).

3. Spend time each day conversing and connecting with family members, friends and colleagues at work. Find out what’s going on in their lives.  If you face important decisions, talk them over with others to gain a balanced perspective.  This is a huge energizer for me (and I’m somewhat introverted).

4. Regularly reach out to help or encourage someone in need. Serving someone else is one of the best ways to lift your own spirit and the spirit of the people around you.  Just try it and you’ll see!

I know from experience that these four simple practices can make a difference in your attitude and behavior.  They will help you persevere through tough times, after which you will most likely emerge even better than you were before.  While these practices may or may not make you economically wealthier, they will most certainly bring you a wealth of even greater value.