Category Archives: Ways to Connect

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Affirm People in Introductions

Business Lunch to Stop Burnout

#10 Introduce People with Affirming Statements

When you make introductions, get in the habit of making a positive comment about the person. The positive comment must be genuine, however. As they say in the southern U.S., “it can’t be Saccharine… it has to be real sugar.” For example, you might introduce Tom by saying “I’d like you to meet Tom. He’s an outstanding engineer.” or “He’s one of the smartest people I know.” or “He’s an avid runner.”

This is the tenth post in our series entitled “100 Ways to Connect.” The series highlights language, attitudes and behaviors that help you connect with others. Although the language, attitudes and behaviors focus on application in the workplace, you will see that they also apply to your relationships at home and in the community.

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Recognize and Affirm Grit

#9 Recognize and Affirm Grit – Psychologist Angela Duckworth found that affirming people’s day-in-and-day-out passion, work effort and perseverance helped them develop “grit,” a form of tenacity that makes them more effective workers. Be sure to talk about grit, to look for signs of it in others and affirm them for it.

This is the ninth post in our series entitled “100 Ways to Connect.” The series highlights language, attitudes and behaviors that help you connect with others.  Although the language, attitudes and behaviors focus on application in the workplace, you will see that they also apply to your relationships at home and in the community.

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Connect by Focusing on the Positives

Smiley face balloons looking up representing positivity

#8 Develop the Habit of Emphasizing Positives

Psychologist John Gottman first observed that marriages were less likely to survive when the positive/negative ratio of interactions dipped below 5-to-1 (i.e. five positives to every negative) during conflict discussions, and that successful couples have a ratio of 20-to-1 during non-conflict discussions. More recently the psychologist Barbara Frederickson found that a ratio of  3-to-1 applied in the workplace. Human beings need affirmation and recognition so get in the habit of looking out for ways to affirm and serve others. Do this by looking for task strengths and character strengths. Task strengths reflect the excellence of someone’s work. Character strengths reflect the way someone goes about his/her work.

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With Connection, Different Strokes for Different Folks

#7  Different Strokes for Different Folks  – This phrase from the past is true when it comes to connection.  People have different predispositions when it comes to their sensitivities to feeling connection or its absence.  People also respond differently to actions in terms of whether it makes them feel connected or not.  Learn about each person and tailor your behaviors to connect based on what you’ve learned about them.  Recognize that it may take time before you get it right. (This practice reflects the Connection Culture elements of Vision, Value and Voice.)

This is the seventh post in our series entitled “100 Ways to Connect.” The series highlights language, attitudes and behaviors that help you connect with others.  Although the language, attitudes and behaviors focus on application in the workplace, you will see that they also apply to your relationships at home and in the community.

 

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Seek the Unique

#6  Seek the Unique  – When meeting someone for the first time, ask questions to identify something that is both unique and positive about them.  Doing this will make you more likely to remember them and what differentiates them from others.

While teaching a leadership seminar in Boston, a participant from the American Red Cross told me that Elizabeth Dole, the former president of the Red Cross, practiced this and Ms. Dole frequently brought up in conversation what was unique about a person the next time she saw him/her. (This practice reflects the Connection Culture element of Value.)

This is the sixth post in our series entitled “100 Ways to Connect.” The series highlights language, attitudes and behaviors that help you connect with others.  Although the language, attitudes and behaviors focus on application in the workplace, you will see that they also apply to your relationships at home and in the community.

 

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Say “Hi” and “Bye”

#5 Say Hi and Bye

When you enter a room and it’s appropriate given the context and number of people present, greet people by name.  When you leave their presence, say goodbye.  Not saying hi and/or bye, runs the risk of giving someone the impression that you are indifferent to them.  (This practice reflects the Connection Culture element of Value.)

This is the fifth post in our series entitled “100 Ways to Connect.” The series highlights attitudes and behaviors that help you connect with others.  Although the attitudes and behaviors focus on application in the workplace, you will see that they also apply to your relationships at home and in the community.

Update: Howard Behar, former President of Starbucks North America and Starbucks International, and I co-authored an article entitled “Leadership Myopia” that appears in the August edition of Leadership Excellence alongside articles by well known leadership experts Gary Hamel, Marshall Goldsmith and Patrick Lencioni.    On October 10, I will give a keynote speech at the Retailing Summit held in Dallas, Texas.  The Retailing Summit is a premiere event for senior leaders in retail.  This year’s conference includes Karen Katz, President and CEO of Nieman Marcus, Maxine Clark, Founder of Build-a-Bear Workshop, Duncan Mac Naughtan, EVP, Chief Merchandising & Marketing Officer for Wal-Mart U.S. and Graham Atkinson, CMO & Chief Experience Officer of Walgreens.

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Neuro Wi-Fi: Power of Mutual Empathy

Happy Girl
#4 Feel Others’ Emotions

Mutual empathy is a powerful connector that is made possible by the mirror-neurons in our brains. These neurons act like an emotional Wi-Fi system. When we feel the emotions others feel it makes them feel connected to us. When we feel their positive emotions, it enhances the positive emotions they feel. When we feel their pain, it diminishes the pain they feel. If someone expresses emotion, it’s okay, and natural, for you to feel it.

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Attention is Oxygen for Relationships

#2 Be Present in Conversations

It’s been said that attention is oxygen for relationships. When interacting with people, be present in conversations. Get in the habit of staying focused on them and giving them your full attention. Be engaged and curious by asking questions and then asking follow-up questions to clarify. Listen carefully to words and observe facial expressions and body cues. Don’t check your smart phone, don’t look at your watch, don’t look around the room or let your mind wander.

Want to learn more? Watch the video above as Katharine P. Stallard shares tips for being present.

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100 Ways to Connect: Develop the Courage to Connect

This post begins our series entitled “100 Ways to Connect.” The series highlights attitudes and behaviors that help you connect with others.  Although the attitudes and behaviors focus on application in the workplace, you will see that they also apply to your relationships at home and in the community.

#1 Develop the Courage to Connect – It requires courage to make the effort to connect because not everyone will reciprocate.  You may hold out your fist to invite a “fist bump” only find you are left hanging or you may say “hi” to a passerby and receive no response.  When our efforts to connect are spurned it triggers “social pain” in our brains (the part of the brain that feels physical pain becomes active when we are left out of a group or our efforts to connect with someone are turned down).  That’s why it’s necessary to be prepared by knowing that not all people will connect with us.  In such cases, we need to recognize that we made the effort and had the courage to do so.  Of the three core elements of a connection culture, this practice reflects “Value,” which is also known as “human value.”

Update: It’s been a busy beginning to the summer.  I just returned from speaking at conferences and teaching workshops in Chicago, Dallas and New Orleans.  People in attendance at the workshops represented a wide variety of organizations including Allstate, AAA, Blue Cross Blue Shield, FINRA, the U.S. Government Services Administration, Leo Burnett, Liberty Mutual, Northern Trust, and United Airlines. Recently, I also spoke with Jim Blasingame on his radio program entitled The Small Business Advocate.  You can hear recordings of topics we covered during the conversation at the links below:

Who feels the most stress in the workplace?

Is there such a thing as good stress?

Practice the three V’s to reduce stress in the workplace?