Check out this inspiring commencement speech given by Melinda Gates. She tells Duke graduates to make deep human connections and goes on to describe connection as the purpose of a meaningful life.
Category Archives: Intentional Connectors
100 Ways to Connect: Develop the Courage to Connect
This post begins our series entitled “100 Ways to Connect.” The series highlights attitudes and behaviors that help you connect with others. Although the attitudes and behaviors focus on application in the workplace, you will see that they also apply to your relationships at home and in the community.
#1 Develop the Courage to Connect – It requires courage to make the effort to connect because not everyone will reciprocate. You may hold out your fist to invite a “fist bump” only find you are left hanging or you may say “hi” to a passerby and receive no response. When our efforts to connect are spurned it triggers “social pain” in our brains (the part of the brain that feels physical pain becomes active when we are left out of a group or our efforts to connect with someone are turned down). That’s why it’s necessary to be prepared by knowing that not all people will connect with us. In such cases, we need to recognize that we made the effort and had the courage to do so. Of the three core elements of a connection culture, this practice reflects “Value,” which is also known as “human value.”
Update: It’s been a busy beginning to the summer. I just returned from speaking at conferences and teaching workshops in Chicago, Dallas and New Orleans. People in attendance at the workshops represented a wide variety of organizations including Allstate, AAA, Blue Cross Blue Shield, FINRA, the U.S. Government Services Administration, Leo Burnett, Liberty Mutual, Northern Trust, and United Airlines. Recently, I also spoke with Jim Blasingame on his radio program entitled The Small Business Advocate. You can hear recordings of topics we covered during the conversation at the links below:
Who feels the most stress in the workplace?
New Mummy Movie: Connection is Life-Giving
Recently I was speaking at a university about the importance of connection and Connection Cultures to help students, faculty and staff thrive in institutions of higher education. After I spoke, the president of the divinity school came up to me and said I needed to see a great new comedy entitled Warm Bodies. He informed me that the movie is about mummies who are brought back to life by human connection. How great is that! Check out the trailer above. I plan the watch the movie on iTunes this weekend.
It’s been said that artists have their finger on the pulse of the culture. Warm Bodies is a case in point, even if its protagonist had no pulse to speak of.
Connection Cultures Help Students Thrive
Greenwich High School (Greenwich, CT) was recognized in a New York Times article as a school in an affluent community that’s successfully integrating students from low income families. What the article misses is that a key contributor to Greenwich High School’s success is that it its Connection Culture.
The school’s headmaster, Christopher Winters, regularly talks and writes about the importance of connecting students, teachers, administrators and parents. He walks the talk, too. Chris greets students when they arrive in the morning and he easily moves about the student center connecting with students. He encourages camaraderie among teachers and administrators and encourages parental involvement.
Is Too Much Stress Damaging Your Chromosomes?
Too much stress, including stress in your workplace, damages “telomeres” on the ends of your chromosomes and causes rapid aging. Interestingly, when people connect in supportive relationships it triggers the production of enzymes called “telomerase” that heal damaged telomeres. Check out this outstanding 58 minute National Geographic documentary entitled “Stress: Portrait of a Killer” about this and other research on the effects of stress. It includes an excellent segment on the famous Whitehall research studies in the UK that established stress and mortality were inversely related to hierarchy in organizations.
Update: I recently returned from speaking, teaching and meeting with leaders of organizations in business, higher education and government in Houston, Fort Worth, Texas and Erie, Pennsylvania. ASTD’s The Public Manager recently published a version of a case study I wrote about CNO Admiral Vern Clark’s improving the U.S. Navy’s culture. The article is entitled “Great Leaders Connect with the People They Lead.”
NYTimes: Why Coach K “Coaches Like a Girl”
Recently I was delighted to read a great USA Today article about Coach K of Duke leading the U.S. Men’s Basketball Team in the Olympics. Coach K has won four NCAA college basketball titles as the head coach of Duke, a gold medal as an assistant coach of the 1992 Dream Team in Barcelona and a gold medal as head coach of the U.S. mens team in the 1998 olympics in Beijing. He’s a servant leader who creates the “Connection Culture” where his players feel connected to him and to one another, a phenomenon we wrote about in Fired Up or Burned Out. Coach K cares about task excellence and relationship excellence. He cares about people and results.
To learn more about Coach K’s leadership style and the surprising story of how he evolved as a leader check out this fascinating New York Times Magazine article entitled “Follow Me.” In it you’ll learn why this extraordinary leader, a guy’s guy from an all boys Catholic high school, West Point and the U.S. Army, coaches, as the author Mike Sokolove says, “like a girl.”
Courage, Connection and the Flow of Ideas
“Little of consequence is ever done alone.”
– David McCullough
Last week my wife and I went to see the historian David McCullough speak about his new book The Greater Journey: Americans in Paris. I’ve seen David McCullough speak twice before and always found his talks to be thoughtful and inspiring.
On this occasion, McCullough spoke on the courage of Americans who went to France between 1830 and 1900 because they were “in love with learning and advancing their abilities.” They made the difficult trip across the Atlantic that lasted anywhere from one to three months. They remained there despite language differences and outbreaks of disease such as cholera. Upon their return, they applied knowledge acquired in France to improve America. Greater competence in their chosen fields was not all they gained. Their character had changed as well. Exposure to new people, new ideas, exquisite art and architecture, broadened their perspective, lifted their spirits and inspired them to make a difference.
The stories McCullough told were marvelous. His enthusiasm was contagious as he recounted the tales of Harriett Beecher Stowe, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Emma Willard and others. James Fenimore Cooper, while writing in Paris, visited the Louvre every afternoon to speak words of encouragement that would help his friend, Samuel F.B. Morse, persevere in painting the masterpiece Gallery of the Louvre. It was in France that Morse learned something that gave him the idea for the telegraph. Charles Sumner, while studying at the Sorbonne, came to know black students who were his equal in their aspirations and intelligence. He returned to America to become an influential voice for abolition despite threats against his life. The flow of ideas and knowledge, reflected in these personal accounts, is something I’ve written about in Fired Up or Burned Out and in the article “Encouraging Knowledge Flow” that appeared in Perdido.
This summer I’ll be reading The Greater Journey and another of McCullough’s books, The Great Bridge. If you’ve not already picked up books for summer reading, I encourage you to check out these titles. I’ve also thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend Brave Companions, John Adams and Mornings on Horseback, also by David McCullough.
Update
In early May I spoke at the American Society for Training and Development (ASTD) International Conference and Exposition in Denver on the topic “Do Leaders Need to Make Employees Happy?”.
Sympathy is NOT Empathy
Connecting with people requires empathy i.e. you feel the emotion another individual feels. This is different from sympathy where you recognize the emotion but don’t feel it.
In Fired Up or Burned Out, I wrote about the company Cranium and how it designs “high five moments” into its games. High five moments are times when people connect via the shared empathy of joy (remember that we define “the force of connection” as shared identity, empathy and understanding). When you are interacting with people you want to connect with, feeling and expressing emotion helps. When you feel someone’s joy or pain, it connects.
In the news
Here are a few recent articles related to connection that you might enjoy:
Walter Isaacson wrote about leadership lessons from Steve Jobs’ life for Harvard Business Review. In the article, Isaason addresses issues relevant to Connection Cultures including the elements of Vision, Value and Voice. Jobs was brilliant when it came to Vision, terrible when it came to Value and mixed win it came to Voice. Fortunately, there are other members of Apple’s senior leadership team whose strengths helped overcome Jobs’ weaknesses.
David Brooks just wrote a column for The New York Times entitled “The Relationship School” that touches on aspects of Connection Cultures in schools.
The Atlantic had a piece entitled “Stress Makes You Sick: Exploring the Immune System Connection.” The article explores how stress weakens the human immune system and mentions the link between stress and connection. (Remember I shared with you that recent research over a 20-year period showed people who work in cultures with supportive relationships had mortality rates that were 2.4 times lower than people who worked in cultures with weak relational support. This supports the longstanding view that lifestyles with little relational support produce chronic stress will kill you.)
While teaching seminars on leadership and Connection Cultures at the Darden Graduate School of Business, Professor Marian Moore introduced me to the work of her colleague Jonathan Haidt, a social psychology professor at the University of Virginia. Haidt just wrote The Righteous Mind. Here’s a well-written review of the book entitled “Why Won’t They Listen?” The book review clearly shows it addresses issues related to the Connection Culture elements of Value and Voice. I’ve ordered a copy but not read it yet.
Finally, I recently spoke with Jim Blasingame about the competitive advantage of culture on his nationally syndicated radio program entitled “Small Business Advocate” that you can hear at this link. Also, I wrote an article on the “Science of Engagement” for Training Industry Quarterly.
New Media on Connection
Tomorrow I fly back to the U.S. after a 10-day trip to Amsterdam, Brussels, London and Edinburgh where I taught seminars for the Institute for Management Studies, spoke at ITV, saw several friends and spent a couple days on vacation with my wife, Katie.
While here, I learned about several new items of media coverage related to connection. Several items came from my friends Sean Witty and Jay Morris. Here are the items below.
Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk’s research on the importance of connection to babies and their ability to connect
Mental Heath Foundation of the UK report on rising loneliness and declining connection in the UK
UNICEF summary report on meeting children’s need for connection in the UK, Sweden and Spain
Article in Entrepreneur magazine “Forget Networking. How to be a Connector”
Center for Creative Leadership article on introverts who connect well with colleagues
Dr. Stephen Jones on the need to connect with others to keep your mind and memory sharp
Malcolm Gladwell, Atul Gawande on Connection
Several writers at The New Yorker understand how important the force of human connection is to help people thrive. I’ve previously written about Ken Auletta’s masterpiece “The Howell Doctrine,” and, of course, there’s Jim Surowiecki’s The Wisdom of Crowds. Two other writers at The New Yorker have made significant contributions on this topic.
In Atul Gawande’s The Checklist Manifesto, we learn that disconnection (the failure to communicate and connect) is the primary cause of aircraft accidents and a major contributor to medical errors. Gawande, a surgeon, prescribes checklists to help improve performance as the work we do becomes increasingly complex. Here’s one example. Doctors at Johns Hopkins Hospital learned that surgical teams performed better when, prior to surgery, each member of the team introduced him or herself and shared any foreseeable concerns. When surgical teams did this, lower status members were more likely to speak up if they saw mistakes being made. This became a step on Gawande’s checklist he and his team developed for the World Health Organization.
In Malcolm Gladwell’s most recent book, Outliers: The Story of Success, connection is a theme throughout. In the introduction, we learn that several research studies found residents of the town of Roseto, Pennsylvania were healthier and lived longer solely because they were a more relationally connected community. In the next chapter, we learn that 10,000 hours of intentional practice is required with coaching (i.e. connection) to achieve expert level performance. Although Gladwell doesn’t explicitly make this point, the support of family and friends is necessary to persevere through the inevitable difficulties of practicing for 10,000 hours, which is 10 years of practicing for 20 hours a week.
In a chapter on geniuses, Gladwell concludes they are often not very successful because they fail to connect with other human beings and it renders them less effective at getting things done. Similar to Gawande’s book, we learn that the key to airline safety is to reduce human error by making sure pilots, co-pilots and air traffic controllers are connected in both a rational and emotional sense. Gladwell describes how the crash of a Columbian Airlines flight a few years ago because it ran out of fuel was attributable to a failure of communication between the co-pilot, pilot and air traffic controller at JFK Airport in New York. The problem was that the plane’s co-pilot used “mitigating speech” to be respectful to those he perceived as having great status and authority. When he needed to communicate the urgency of the situation he should have been screaming like a New York cab driver to make his point clear.
Finally, we learn from Gladwell about the success of the KIPP charter schools in low income urban neighborhoods. Eighty percent of KIPP students go on to attend college. KIPP students learn a protocal called “SSLANT” which stands for smile, sit up, listen, ask questions, nod when being spoken to, and track with our eyes.” All of these behaviors help kids connect with others. Brilliant, isn’t it. KIPP teaches its students academic competence and relationship competence. It was so inspiring to read how KIPP was giving these kids hope for a bright future, I wanted to stand up and cheer.
I very highly recommend both of these books. They are utterly fascinating and well written, so much so that I couldn’t put them down.
