While looking for a video to watch a friend recommended Departures, a film by Yojiro Takita that won an Oscar for best foreign language film. I highly recommend it. The movie touches on issues of employee engagement, connection, identity and human value that I raise in my changethis.com Connection Culture Manifesto. There were moments that this film reminded me of the beautiful book Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer.

When you watch the film you’ll see a myriad of situations that relate to connection, including the protagonist Diago’s connection to his father, his wife, his employer, his former occupation and his new one, his clients, and his friends and acquaintances in the community.

Connection and the character values that support it resonate deeply with the Japanese, a topic that I will elaborate on in an upcoming blog post.

When Nelson Mandela entered Robben Island Prison he was known for aggressively confronting his enemies. Released 27 years later, Mandela stunned South Africans with his magnanimous behavior toward former adversaries.

During his years in prison Mandela was transformed. He came to know several of his warders and learned that Afrikaners could change. He read the biographies of men and women who exhibited great character. Forgiveness, he concluded, was the only path to unite the nation. His courage to forgive made all the difference.

When Mandela emerged from prison, he told black South Africans they must be the first to reach out their hands in forgiveness to white South Africans then he proceeded to reach out to those who persecuted him as if they were old friends.

Many white South Africans were moved by Mandela’s example. On one Sunday while visiting a Dutch Reformed Afrikaner Church, Mandela recounted that “The men all wanted to touch me. The women all wanted to kiss me. The children all wanted to hang on my leg.” A few years earlier, he reflected, he would have needed security guards to protect him from being assaulted but “this time they were there to protect me from being killed out of love.”

When an American military leader asked a wealthy South African rancher how the country was able to make such remarkable progress to heal the wounds of apartheid, the rancher told him that Mandela deserved the credit: “He taught black South Africans to forgive white South Africans and he taught white South Africans to forgive themselves.”

Forgiveness is oftentimes necessary to unite organizations too. Indifference, silo behavior, incivility, a rude comment here or passive aggressive behavior there can create a chasm that only forgiveness will close. Anthony Sampson, in his extraordinary biography entitled Mandela, wrote that Nelson Mandela saw forgiveness as “an act of courage, not of weakness.” Those words and Mandela’s example have challenged me to be slow to become angry and quick to forgive.

The movie “Invictus” doesn’t tell the whole story of Nelson Mandela but it captures this remarkable man’s character and spirit. Don’t miss it. You’ll learn how Mandela used rugby as a means to connect with white South African’s and build a bridge between whites and blacks. Shared passions such as love of sport and a team unite people. Mandela learned this while in Robben Island. He connected with the guards and warden by talking with them about rugby, and learning to share their enthusiasm for the sport. As they got to know him, and he them, the bonds of connection and understanding were deepened.

The day Nelson Mandela was sworn in as South Africa’s first truly, democratically elected president, sitting near him in a place of honor was one of Mandela’s closest friends, James Gregory, the former warden at Robben Island. (Read this account of the swearing in ceremony as reported in The New York Times.)

While growing up did you have role models in your life who had a profoundly positive effect on you? Perhaps it was a teacher who believed in you and pushed you to strive, a parent of one of your friends who consistently provided encouragement or a coach who modeled great leadership, teaching you to work hard and play fair. I’m fortunate to have had positive role models and mentors in my life who brought out the best in me and I’ve tried to play that role for younger people in my community.

I was reminded about positive role models recently while watching a remarkable television program called Friday Night Lights. I really want to encourage you to check out this award-winning and critically-acclaimed drama. This show is gritty and real.  I don’t want to give away the story but suffice it to say the writing, acting and production of this show are extraordinary, a far cry from many of the vacuous programs on today.  You can rent the first three seasons at your local video store and the fourth season will be broadcast soon on NBC (if you have DirecTV, you can watch the fourth season now on Wednesdays at 9:00 PM Eastern).

While I’m not an avid football fan (and you don’t have to be to enjoy this show), I love this drama for its inspiration, entertainment and the values it promotes. The primary examples of great role models on display are in the characters of coach Eric Taylor and his wife Tami. Eric is the high school football coach in a football-crazy West Texas town that, incidentally, is based on Odessa, Texas, where I worked for Texas instruments in my first job after college.  Tami is a guidance counselor who becomes the high school’s principal in later episodes.   Eric and Tami are both leaders who inspire the kids to achieve excellence in their academic and athletic endeavors, and in their relationships and personal character. The show’s adult and teenage characters face the types of heart-wrenching trials and temptations that we all face in life, whether it’s the sickness or death of a loved one, a friend who needs us during a busy and demanding time in our life, or the lure of doing something we know is wrong for the sake of status or financial gain.

The above video clip includes images from Friday Night Lights set to Coldplay’s song “Fix You.”   The images coupled with the song’s music and lyrics capture the spirit of Friday Night Lights. I hope you’ll check it out. You’ll be glad you did.

The 1951 movie “A Christmas Carol” based on Charles Dickens’ classic novel starring Alistair Sim as Scrooge,  is about a man who idolizes wealth and status which isolates him from family and friends and makes him miserable. Scrooge gets a wakeup call in the form of a nightmarish visit from the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future.

“A Christmas Carol” is all about how certain character vices lead to relational isolation that result in dysfunction and death.  This is in contrast to virtuous character that leads to human connection, thriving and life. Charles Dickens understood just how powerful human connection is and that it comes from the character strengths of compassion, empathy, generosity, kindness and magnanimity. These are character strengths and virtues we celebrate during the holiday season.

The same themes of connection and character are explored in the holiday classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life.”  The movie starred Jimmy Stewart and was directed by Frank Capra. Stewart’s character, George Bailey, is contrasted to that of Potter, the selfish owner of the primary bank in town. At one point a frustrated George tells his sweetheart “I want to do what I want to do,” which is to travel the world. He never does, however, and comes to regret it when the Savings and Loan he leads nearly goes bust. This triggers a crisis of confidence in George’s life. He wonders if Potter’s selfish character is wise and that his selflessness is foolish.

Just as in “A Christmas Carol” our protagonist receives a visit from the other side. On the brink of suicide George is visited by an angel named Clarence who helps George find his way by seeing what a future based on Potter’s values would look like. In the end, George’s family and friends rally around him to save the S&L — and the day– and the experience gives George the conviction of character he needs to be an even greater leader of his S&L and in his community.

George’s journey in the movie is so true in life. During the inevitable difficult seasons we experience the human connections we have with family and friends help us get through. When we experience that and reflect on its meaning, it gives us a conviction about what character values are right and wrong. I wrote about my own similar journey in an essay entitled “Alone No Longer.”

The themes in these movies are very relevant today.  With families separated by geography and divorce and fewer people participating in spiritual communities and civic organizations, human connection and community have declined.  This decline has corresponded to a decline in joy and rising anxiety and depression.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  This holiday season, I hope you will take time to reflect on the message of connection in these holiday movie classics.

The issue of human connection at work and in life takes center stage in the hit movie “Up In the Air.” The plot follows a business executive played by George Clooney who is continuously traveling to fire people. He views meaningful relationships as excess baggage and his primary aspiration is to become a 10 million mile traveler on American Airlines. A new, hot shot, young, female co-worker proposes virtual firing rather than in-person. Ironically, this same woman confronts Clooney’s character for his vacuous life style that lacks meaningful relationships. It’s a must see movie that is hilarious and tragic. It criticizes the values of today that idolize task excellence but give short shrift to the human need for relationships (or to achieve “relationship excellence” in organizations as I written in the past).

Artists always have their finger on the pulse of culture change. The favorable response to this movie is yet another sign to me that people feel the pain from diminished human connection in the workplace and in life. The evidence is overwhelming that connection = thriving and life, disconnection = dysfunction and death, for individuals, families, organizations and nations. It’s why I believe Connection Cultures are the next step in the evolution of organizations and civil societies. Do you agree? If so, why? If not, why? Do you have meaningful relationships in your life? If not, reach out to others this holiday season and begin the new year by developing more and deeper relationships in your life.
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Michael Lee Stallard speaks, teaches and writes about leadership, employee engagement, productivity and innovation at leading organizations including Google, GE, NASA, Lockheed Martin, General Dynamics and the Darden Graduate School of Business at the University of Virginia. Most recently, Michael and his colleague Jason Pankau filmed a 90-minute program for Linkage’s Thought Leaders Series that will be released in January of 2010. Michael wrote the guest editorial for Talent Management magazine’s January 2010 edition and last month his article on how the force of connection boosts productivity and innovation was featured as the lead article in the UK’s Developing HR Strategy Journal. Click on these links to learn more about Michael and Jason in the media and their speaking engagements.

I highly recommend seeing The Blind Side, a movie about Baltimore Ravens’ offensive tackle, Michael Oher.  It’s worth the price of the ticket alone to see Sandra Bullock’s tour-de-force performance as Michael’s adoptive mom, Leanne Tuohy.  What I especially like about the movie is that it shows how the right social environment helps people thrive in life.

I don’t want to give away the story so let me just say in a nutshell that it was Leanne Tuohy who reached out to Michael.  It would have been easy for her to ignore him, but she didn’t. Instead, Leanne felt compassion for a young man who was wearing shorts in the winter and hanging around a high school gym just to stay warm.  She took the time to get to know him and his life’s story.  While others saw him as “Big Mike,” a quiet, giant, African-American young man from the Memphis ghetto, Leanne Tuohy saw him as a thoughtful boy with a big heart and protective instincts to match.  She called him “Michael,” a name he much preferred to “Big Mike.” Leanne’s insights helped Michael discover who he really was deep down inside and who he could become. These insights helped Michael see himself as a protector who “has the back” of his family and those he loves. It should come as no surprise then to learn that Michael Oher thrived in football as an offensive tackle responsible for protecting his teammates from the defense.

The Blind Side shows how the social environment we live in shapes us for good or ill. Research in social psychology and neuroscience have proven this.  To learn more, check out this article from the Atlantic magazine entitled “The Science of Success.”  For those who want to dig even deeper into the effects of social environment on people (and especially on the young), I highly recommend watching the video presentation and purchasing the Hardwired to Connect research report based on a research study by Dartmouth Medical School, the YMCA and the Institute for American Values. In addition, I recently did a free webcast for ASTD on neuroscience and its implications for leadership that you can download by clicking here.

The social environment we live in at work affects us too.  Is your work environment helping you thrive or killing you? I wrote the book Fired Up or Burned Out to help people understand how important the social environment at work is to employer brand, employee engagement, productivity, innovation and ultimately the performance of individuals and organizations.  If your social environment at work is toxic or even indifferent to people, you can do something about it.  A good first step is to read the manifesto I worte for ChangeThis.com. You can find it and download it free along with other articles, podcasts and webcasts, by clicking here: The Connection Culture: A New Source of Competitive Advantage.  To go even deeper, read Fired Up or Burned Out and share it with your colleagues, family and friends. If you are in a country where it is impossible to purchase the book because the values it promotes are threatening to those in power, email me at mstallard@epluribuspartners.com and I’ll email you a free pdf version of the book. Recently, I’ve received requests from individuals in nations with oppressive governments and I’m delighted to share the book with people who are trying to improve the social, political and economic environments of their home countries.

When leaders create a healthy social environment, it helps protect them from their blind side which is often the morale of the people they lead and what’s really happening in the organization (or nation). Absent a healthy social environment, nations and organizations inevitably fail when the vast majority of people who feel disconnected lose hope in their leaders and the future. A healthy social environment, what I call a “Connection Culture,” keeps everyone feeling connected and like they are part of the group so that all thrive.