“A company is stronger if it is bound by love rather than by fear,” the late Herb Kelleher, co-founder, CEO, and Chairman of Southwest Airlines, once said.

When Kip Tindell, retired co-founder and Chairman of The Container Store, first heard Kelleher’s declaration more than 40 years ago, he was, in his own words, “completely taken by it.” In Uncontainable, Tindell explains how he and his leadership team intentionally built an “employee-first” culture that reflected love—and he credits that culture as a major source of the company’s success.

I still remember the first time I heard the word love used in a corporate setting. I was about to teach a leadership workshop at Lockheed Martin Aerospace when the unit’s leader—retired Vice Admiral of the U.S. Navy Charles W. (“Willie”) Moore Jr.—told the room full of mostly men that they needed to love the people they were responsible for leading. You could have heard a pin drop. Coming from a decorated Navy aviator, the L-word was completely unexpected.

Is it really okay to talk about love at work? Won’t that make HR nervous?

The VIA Institute on Character defines the character strength of love this way: to value close relationships with others, to be warm and genuine toward people, and to give and receive affection. In this sense, love has nothing to do with romance. It’s about genuine care, connection, and commitment.

Moore told a story about his mother who flourished from loving and being loved by the people in the church she attended. He added that many people were not involved in a loving faith community and feel lonely as a result. He explained that with so many lonely people in society many leaders underestimate their importance in the lives of the people they lead. In an era marked by widespread loneliness, work has become one of the few places where people can regularly experience positive human connection.

Beyond addressing loneliness, love makes a measurable difference at work. Think of a boss you’ve had who genuinely cared about you—and one who was indifferent. Which boss were you more likely to give your best effort for? Most people would say the boss who cared.

“People first… Love ‘em up” is a phrase that Alan Mulally said consistently at work for decades—as general manager of the multi-year project to develop the 777 aircraft at Boeing, as CEO of Boeing Commercial Airplanes, and as CEO of Ford Motor Company as he led the turnaround that brought Ford back from the brink of bankruptcy to become one of the most profitable automotive companies in the world. When he retired from Ford in 2014, Mulally was named by Fortune magazine as one of the top three leaders in the world. “People first… love ‘em up” heads the list of expected behaviors that are foundational in Mulally’s Working Together Leadership and Management System.

I’ve had extensive conversations with Mulally as part of research for my next book on Connection Culture and I asked him about using the word love in the work context. He believes that leaders need to genuinely care for those they lead and show them that they matter. He told me he would say to colleagues: “We’re going to create value for all the stakeholders and the greater good by working together. That means that every one of you is really important and we’re really glad that you decided to join us. Even more, we respect you so much. You’re a human being and you are worthy of respect and love. We’re going to treat you that way. … We’re going to include you on everything because we respect you. … We care what you think.” In addition to actively and consistently including people, he talked about leaders thanking people for their involvement, showing they appreciated them, and celebrating them.

Why Love Matters at Work

Love inspires performance and resilience.

Research summarized in Adam Grant’s Give and Take shows that when people see how their work benefits others, performance improves and burnout declines. Leaders who connect people to the human impact of their work bring out higher levels of effort, accuracy, and persistence. In a medical setting, it is easy to see the work being done as an expression of love and care; in a manufacturing setting, it may be emphasizing how your product is improving someone’s life or that the company’s commitment to product safety and quality is an expression of love.

Love pulls people together.

Teams grounded in care and connection are more likely to support one another during adversity rather than splinter under pressure. Unity makes a team more agile and adaptable so that it becomes a performance and competitive advantage when challenges arise.

Love reduces conflict and stress.

When love is present, people assume positive intent, overlook minor offenses, and extend grace. Supportive relationships also reduce chronic stress, a major contributor to burnout and poor health.

Relationship Excellence Enhances Task Excellence

Critics sometimes argue that love makes organizations soft. In reality, the best leaders combine love with high standards. Clear goals, meaningful metrics, and accountability reinforce that excellence and results matter.

What critics miss is that relationship excellence enhances task excellence. When people care about one another and about those they serve, they work harder, collaborate better, and care more deeply about quality. Gallup research consistently shows that the quality of workplace relationships matters more to engagement than the specific work people do.

In the 2nd edition of Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, we share inspiring stories of how great leaders loved the people they led and achieved extraordinary results, including Admiral Vern Clark (Chief of U.S. Naval Operations, 2000-2005), Frances Hesselbein (CEO of the Girl Scouts of the U.S.A), Lin-Manuel Miranda (who wrote the music, lyrics, and script of the award-winning Broadway musical Hamilton and starred in the titular role), and the media mogul Oprah Winfrey.

Few leaders are willing to use the L-word. But when you hear one who does and who walks the talk, pay attention. You may be witnessing the kind of leadership that builds not only strong cultures but lasting competitive advantage.

Image: A photo I took of my wife and colleague, Katie Stallard, hamming it up with Alan Mulally, retired CEO of Boeing Commercial Airplanes and Ford Motor Company, when we were with Alan and friends touring the Museum of Flight in Seattle.

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As many organizations move away from diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives, they are left asking, “what’s next?” 

My proposal is to replace DEI programs with something more effective: cultivating a culture of connection (also referred to as a “Connection Culture” or “Connected Culture”). This approach intentionally develops positive bonds among people, fostering collaboration, cooperation, employee engagement, strategic alignment, innovation, better decision-making, agility, adaptability and overall superior performance.

In a recent article published by SmartBrief on Leadership, I explain the challenge of many DEI programs and how Connection Culture addresses those challenges, why Connection Culture is a proven model for uniting teams, and how to implement Connection Culture in a way that avoids the pitfalls of DEI.

If you need help cultivating a culture of connection in your organization, reach out to me. From workshops to help train your team to books and resources, I can help your team get off to a strong start.

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“People first… Love ‘em up” is a phrase that Alan Mulally has been consistently saying at work for more than 30 years. He said it as general manager of the multi-year project to develop the 777 aircraft at Boeing, he said it as CEO of Boeing Commercial Airplanes, and he said it as CEO of Ford Motor Company as he led the turnaround that brought it back from the brink of bankruptcy to become one of the most profitable automotive companies in the world. When he retired from Ford in 2014, Alan was named by Fortune magazine as one of the top three leaders in the world.

“People first… Love ‘em up” is one of the foundational expected behaviors in the Working Together Leadership and Management System that Alan designed and employed at Boeing and Ford. In this article, we’ll also consider a second expected behavior on his list of Working Together principles and practices: Everyone is included. These two are important principles in the Working Together system that have the effect of connecting people and contributing to a culture of connection.

What does Alan mean by these phrases? How might they inspire us to become more effective leaders in our own workplaces?

Putting People First

“We use the word love too narrowly and need to genuinely care about the people we lead,” Alan wrote in a chapter he contributed to The Extraordinary Power of Leader Humility by Marilyn Gist. “They are not pawns to be used to achieve goals, but human beings — love them up. Show them they matter.”

Over the past year, we’ve had extensive conversations with Alan as part of the research we’re doing for our next book on Connection Culture. We asked him about using the word “love” in the work context. He told us he would say to colleagues: “We’re going to create value for all the stakeholders and the greater good by working together. That means that every one of you is really important and we’re really glad that you decided to join us. Even more, we respect you so much. You’re a human being and you are worthy of respect and love. We’re going to treat you that way. … We’re going to include you on everything because we respect you. … We care what you think.”  In addition to actively and consistently including people, he talked about thanking them for their involvement, showing you appreciate them, and celebrating them.

Putting people first is about welcoming and harnessing the collected efforts of everyone. Alan is a big believer in widely disseminating information in all directions. About this, he has written: “We need to break down assumptions that only people at the top should know and oversee the organization’s strategic efforts, in fact what we need is transparency — genuine openness — about both what we are trying to accomplish and how we are doing.” At Ford, for instance, Alan’s Working Together system had practices and processes that ensured people throughout the organization — from the C-suite to the factory floor — were “in the loop.”

Alan is a stakeholder-minded leader and so “everyone” extends out beyond the organization itself. He feels that the views of stakeholders should be heard and considered. On the Boeing 777 project, teams working together, and with valuable input and feedback from the airlines, came up with innovations in a number of areas, including wing design, propulsion systems, flight deck and systems, materials, and passenger space.

Alan told us that he met with Ford’s stakeholders frequently to give them updates and get their feedback. This was important. As he wrote in The Extraordinary Power of Leader Humility:

Rather than have us determine what is best for [stakeholders] and try to force it on them, we work together with them by including them in the development of the strategy and plan. That means we discuss our mutual goals and needs. As an example, every country has its own certification requirements for cars and planes. Differences like this are challenging when we are doing business globally. But by having the humility to include our international partners as we develop our plan (respecting their dignity as well as their views and systems), we are able to work together on compromises acceptable to all sides.

In Alan’s Working Together system, all people groups affected are valued and each stakeholder group must be satisfied. At Ford, this meant that customers, employees, dealers, investors, suppliers, unions/councils, and the community benefited.

In addition to Alan’s “Working Together Management System” chapter in Marilyn Gist’s excellent book, The Extraordinary Power of Leader Humility, we also recommend reading  an interview Alan did with Sarah McArthur for Leader to Leader titled “A Conversation with Alan Mulally About His ‘Working Together’ Strategic, Operational, and Stakeholder-centered Management System.”

How Are You Doing?

Alan’s comments raise several issues for leaders and managers:

1. Do you genuinely care about the people you are responsible for leading? Do they feel you care? How can you tell?
2. Do you regularly include, express appreciation to, thank, and celebrate the people you are responsible for leading?
3. Do you show you care about the people you are responsible for leading by demonstrating that you are committed to creating a smart and healthy organizational culture that fosters connection?
4. Do you include all stakeholders in discussions about what you are trying to accomplish and how you are doing so that their views can be represented and considered in decisions made?

Taking the time to answer these questions and identifying actions that need to be taken can help get your team off to a successful year ahead.

Katharine P. Stallard co-authored this article. 

Photo by Amy Hirschi on Unsplash

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Yes, it’s true. You may be the most important person in your co-worker’s life.

Recent research shows Americans are spending more time alone following the height of the Covid-19 pandemic. To make up for the time we needed to stay apart during 2020 and 2021, you might think that the pendulum would swing to the other side and we would see people spending even more time together than before. That’s not happening for everyone.

This tendency, along with research that found 58% of American adults tested out as lonely, men are experiencing a friendship recession, and more people live alone and have fewer friends and acquaintances, is cause for concern. Loneliness and social isolation contribute to diminished physical and mental health, suicide ideation, and displacement aggression that could escalate to physical violence.

A co-worker who is lonely and feels isolated will not be able to give their best effort and function well as part of the team. It’s the people who feel invisible and left out who experience the most pain (which researchers describe as “social pain”). Being in that state may lead an individual to “act out” and even sabotage work performance.

Human connection is necessary for people to thrive in life. Given the continued loneliness epidemic, interactions at work may be a primary source of potential connection for your co-workers. That’s where you come in. Helping the people you work with meet their need for connection will not only improve their lives and help them do their best work but it will also improve the work culture and social environment of your team, department, and organization.

Now, we’re not saying you need to be best friends. We realize that some people are difficult to be around. That said, treating people with respect and doing what you can to promote a sense of belonging are important elements when it comes to fostering connection at work.

Here are three actions you can take:

1.  Acknowledge each individual.

It can be as simple as making eye contact and saying “Hi, [name]” when you first see the person that day. If a co-worker is holding back on participating in a meeting, consider drawing them into the conversation by asking a broad question such as,  “[Name], what do you make of this?”

2. Gain personal knowledge.

We bring this up frequently because it’s so important. Getting to know about your co-workers’ lives outside of work and sharing details about your life outside of work humanizes the other. Research by Professor Ashley Hardin shows that with more personal knowledge, people are more responsive to each other and less likely to back-stab or socially undermine the other person. Mike’s favorite question to gain more personal knowledge is “What are your interests outside of work?”. He then asks follow-up questions. You could ask someone who likes to read what their favorite genre is (historical fiction, mystery, self-help, etc.) or if they learned to  play an instrument as a child or played sports in their teens.

3. Act with kindness.

Look for small ways to show kindness to your co-workers. If you are going to get coffee, consider asking if you can bring them back a cup too. If you are going out for lunch, ask if they care to join you. Hold the door open for someone whose arms are full. Give a sincere compliment. Empathize with someone who is facing a challenge.

The holidays are a time of year when people are expected to spend time with family and friends. For those who are lonely or are experiencing disconnection, it can be an especially painful period. Through your attitudes, words, and behaviors at work that boost connection and convey positive interest in them, you can help ease their pain and give them hope for the future.

This article was co-authored by Katharine P. Stallard.

Photo by Zest Tea on Unsplash

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Do the people around you know that you are for them? Do they know whether you care about them, want them to be able to do their individual best, and will advocate for them? Having this assurance promotes a feeling of connection. It goes a long way in establishing trust and an environment of psychological safety. But if they don’t know with certainty that you are for them, they may feel you are indifferent to them (which is disconnecting) or assume, rightly or wrongly, that you are against them (which is very disconnecting). 

For a whole host of reasons, now is an important time for leaders who care about people to be sure that the message is being received loud and clear. 

Why does it matter that people know you are for them? 

The disconnection people are experiencing today is broader than loneliness, a point Noreena Hertz makes in her book, The Lonely Century: How to Restore Human Connection in a World That’s Pulling Apart. Here’s what she says (emphasis ours):

Reshaped by globalization, urbanization, growing inequality and power asymmetries, by demographic change, increased mobility, technological disruption, austerity, and now by [the Covid-19 pandemic] too, I believe the contemporary manifestation of loneliness goes beyond our yearning for connection by those physically around us, our craving for love and being loved, and the sadness we feel from being bereft of friends. It also incorporates how disconnected we feel from politicians and politics, how cut off we feel from our work and our workplace, how excluded many of us feel from society’s gains, and how powerless, invisible, and voiceless so many of us believe ourselves to be. It’s a loneliness that includes but is also greater than our desire to feel close to others because it is also a manifestation of our need to feel heard, to be seen, to be cared for, to have agency, to be treated fairly, kindly, and with respect. 

We agree with her. This is a loneliness that some of your colleagues may be bringing with them when they come to work or experiencing on the job if they don’t feel seen, heard, and valued by those around them. In either case, this disconnection will negatively affect their engagement and productivity. We firmly believe that not only do people at work need to know where they stand with you and their other colleagues, but also the conditions have to be right for connection to be maintained. This is where culture comes in. 

We’ve argued that unhealthy work cultures are a primary cause of the Great Resignation. While many articles and media coverage on the historic level of job quits suggest employees are leaving to pursue better-paying jobs, monetary compensation is only part of the story. Having experienced such disruption and change during the pandemic, people are reevaluating what is important to them and giving more weight to what we refer to as emotional compensation.

New research published in a recent MIT Sloan Management Review supports our view that toxic work cultures are driving the Great Resignation. Presenting empirical evidence, the authors identify the top five predictors of attrition. Their conclusion? “A toxic corporate culture is by far the strongest predictor of industry-adjusted attrition and is 10 times more important than compensation in predicting turnover. Our analysis found that the leading elements contributing to toxic cultures include failure to promote diversity, equity, and inclusion; workers feeling disrespected; and unethical behavior. … Not surprisingly, companies with a reputation for a healthy culture…experienced lower-than-average turnover during the first six months of the Great Resignation.”

In short, because the relational aspects of culture have a direct impact on an employee’s decision to stay or quit, it is critical for leaders to proactively build those relationships and demonstrate that they care. 

How will they know you are for them? 

Have you ever told the individuals around you that you are for them, especially those you are responsible for leading? More importantly, do your actions convey that you are for them? As we wrote in Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work (2nd edition), this will make a difference, especially if you are a supervisor providing constructive criticism or you are working through a setback or a challenging season as a team. 

Toward the end of a recent leadership workshop we were teaching, the well-respected senior leader who had hired us quietly slipped into the back of the room to observe. As we wrapped up, he came forward to say a few words to the group. He thanked them for taking part, acknowledging the busyness of their schedules and the stress they were under. He shared his deep-seated conviction that “leadership really matters” and that he knew from experience great leadership makes a difference to an organization. He said he realized the organization hadn’t invested enough in training to support them in their leadership roles, that Connection Culture was something he really believed in, and the workshop and coaching component to follow was an effort to remedy the lack of investment in them in the past. Then he opened it up for discussion and feedback. 

Witnessing this, we were struck by how this leader’s message resonated and had an impact on the men and women in the room. These were not empty words. He is a leader who cares about the people he was speaking to and they knew it. He is a leader who has been transparent about experiencing burnout earlier in his career. His concern for his colleagues’ well-being is genuine and unmistakable, and his transparency in acknowledging the organization’s past shortcomings and actions to address them give weight to his words.

So what should a leader do? In our work with leaders, we explain that boosting emotional compensation is based on meeting seven universal human needs to thrive at work: respect, recognition, belonging, autonomy, personal growth, meaning, and progress. The resulting sense of connection from having these needs met engenders positive emotions and makes us feel connected to our work and our colleagues. 

Leaders who cultivate a culture of connection through communicating an inspiring vision, valuing people and not thinking of or treating them as means to an end, and giving them a voice will meet the seven needs, unite employees, and foster a relational environment that helps people do their best work.

Here are three actions to consider. 

1. Take time to “walk the halls” and personally check in on the people you are responsible for leading to see how they’re doing. Stress, loneliness, anxiety, and exhaustion are high today. People are busy; the “to do” list is long. Intentionally devoting time to regularly chat with people — asking how they are and actively listening to them — is a practice that shows respect and fosters a sense of belonging. It will also underscore the importance that you place on having a culture that values connection. 
2. Invest in training your leaders on how to cultivate a healthy work culture. Not only will this show you care about them and want to do more than just talk about having a good culture for them to work in, it will show that you are for them in their role as leaders and want to equip them with the mindset and skillset to cultivate a healthy culture in their particular group. To attract, engage, and retain the people your organization needs, leaders at all levels need to give attention to culture.  
3. Establish a mentoring program so that everyone is learning and growing. This is one means to address the human need for personal growth plus it provides another opportunity to develop connections within the organization as mentor and mentee spend time together. Be sure to train people on how to mentor in a way that is encouraging and connecting.

By taking time to demonstrate that you care about the person as an individual and want them to be an engaged and fully-contributing teammate, you will make the people you are responsible for leading feel more connected to you and to your organization. You will also be making a smart investment in retaining employees at a time when many are looking for greener pastures.

This article was co-authored by Katharine P. Stallard.

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“A company is stronger if bound by love than by fear,” the late Herb Kelleher, co-founder, CEO and Chairman of Southwest Airlines, once said. When Kip Tindell, retired co-founder and Chairman of The Container Store, first heard Kelleher’s bold declaration more than 40 years ago he was, in his own words, “completely taken by it.” In Tindell’s book, Uncontainable, he describes how he and his leadership team went on to shape The Container Store’s “employee first” culture in ways that reflect love. He credits the company’s culture for its success.    

I remember very clearly the first time I heard the word “love” uttered in a corporate context. I was about to teach a workshop on leadership and work culture for Lockheed Martin Aerospace. Before I was introduced, the leader of the unit I was speaking to, retired Vice Admiral of the U.S. Navy and former Navy flyer Charles W. (Willie) Moore Jr., told the room full of mostly men they needed to love the people they were responsible for leading. You could have heard a pin drop. Coming from this “man’s man,” the L-word was completely unexpected.

Is it okay to use the word “love” in the workplace? Won’t that make the Human Resources department nervous? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines love as “a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” Moore explained to his leaders that they may be the most important person in the lives of the individuals they lead. He described how people today are lonely. They may live far away from family members or have few close friends because they are not involved in church or community organizations where most friendships are developed.

Moore wasn’t just expressing his personal opinion. A considerable amount of evidence suggests that social disconnection is widespread today. Based on its research findings, CIGNA first reported data in 2018 that chronic loneliness in America has reached epidemic levels. This is consistent with an earlier analysis on the potential public health relevance of social isolation and loneliness. In January 2020, Cigna reported loneliness has risen to nearly two-thirds (61%) of American adults.

Beyond helping the lonely, there are several compelling additional reasons outstanding leaders such as Kip Tindell, Herb Kelleher and Willie Moore are spot-on when it comes to seeing the difference love can make in the workplace.

 1. Love inspires performance excellence and resilience. 

Serving others is a reflection of love. Research described in Adam Grant’s book, Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, shows in a variety of settings that making it clear how the work benefits other human beings has improved performance and protected people from stress and burnout. Students in a university call center who called alumni to raise money for scholarships saw their revenue quintuple after they met a scholarship recipient in person. Radiologists evaluating CT scans increased their diagnostic accuracy 46 percent when the CT scans included facial photos of the patients. High school teachers who believed they were making a difference were found to be less likely to burnout than those who didn’t. The most effective leaders inspire people by connecting them with the people they serve to show them how the work they do is helping others.

‍2. Love pulls together. 

Taking time to get to know and care for the people you lead brings about greater unity. This unity is especially important as your team faces adversity. When love exists among the members of a group, they are more likely to pull together than to tear one another apart. The bond of connection they feel helps them overcome the inevitable obstacles every organization encounters.

‍3. Love overlooks minor offenses. 

When love is present in a team, department or organization, people are more likely to assume the best in others and give them the benefit of the doubt. For example, if a colleague says something that is irritating, they may be inclined to cut them some slack. Absent love, potentially offending words or deeds are more likely to bring about retaliation and sprout rivalries that undermine performance.

‍4. Love reduces stress. 

One 20-year study of workplace environments found that those cultures that lacked supportive relationships substantially increased the risk of mortality, which makes sense when you consider that chronic stress is a leading contributor to premature death. Love among the members of a group serves as a protective factor from chronic stress so that people are healthier and better able to perform at the top of their game.

‍Relationship Excellence Enhances Task Excellence

Critics say that love makes a work culture too soft. Their concern that valuing and promoting  the positive relational side of work will negatively impact productivity or make it harder for a leader to hold people to a high standard is easily addressed by having leaders clearly communicate that being intentional about achieving excellence and results is expected. Developing and tracking metrics helps keep these task objectives top of mind so people don’t lose sight of their importance. And when standards are not met, action should be taken to close the performance gap. This reinforces that, along with love, task excellence and results are essential to serving people well, whether they are customers, patients, passengers or students.  

What critics miss is that relationship excellence actually enhances how well tasks are performed. When people who work in an organization love the people they work with and serve through their occupation, they work harder to please them. They care about the quality of the product or service they provide and they provide it in a way that reflects love. Employees of a business that reflects love also interact with one another in loving ways. They are supportive, encouraging, patient, kind, empathetic and caring. 

Gallup Research has shown that the people we work with and how we interact with them is more important to job satisfaction than what we do. In other words, the quality of relationships is more important to engaging us at work than the type of tasks we perform. Engaged workers give greater effort in their work, they align their behavior with their company’s goals, they communicate and cooperate more, and they actively think of ways to innovate.  

In Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy and Understanding at Work, we tell many inspiring stories of leaders who loved the people they were responsible for leading. Some of these leaders include CNO Admiral Vern Clark, former chief of the U.S. Navy; Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts of the U.S.A; Victor Boschini, Chancellor of Texas Christian University (TCU); and Bono, lead singer in the rock band U2.   

Few leaders use the L-word. So the next time you hear a leader speaking about “love” in terms of how colleagues treat one another and work together, pay close attention. You may be seeing a future Herb Kelleher or Kip Tindell in the making. As it turns out, love is a powerful source of competitive advantage.

A previous version of this article originally appeared in July 2015. Image Credit: The Container Store’s “We Love Our Employees Day” 2014

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An old fad is making a comeback: the “brutally honest workplace.” From my vantage point, interacting with your colleagues using “radical candor” or “radical transparency” is a subtle—and sometimes not so subtle—form of verbal assault that seems to be spreading, given the success of firms like Bridgewater Associates, and contributing to the rise of incivility and insensitivity today. Proponents of this approach sometimes say that offering constructive criticism should come from a caring mindset but, from what I’ve seen, it merely gives the arrogant and the bullies permission to verbally attack others in the name of honesty. Fortunately, research shows the foolishness of this approach (in fact, even mild expressions of rudeness have been shown to impair team performance).

The brutally honest workplace is nothing new. EST seminars championed this approach in the 1970s. When I first started working in the semiconductor group of Texas Instruments in 1981, TI’s Chairman, Mark Shepherd, and CEO, J. Fred Bucy, regularly pummeled subordinates with their criticisms. It contributed to a culture of fear in which managers would tell them what they wanted to hear rather than the constructive criticism they needed to hear. As a result, they ran the company down until the board replaced Bucy with an emotionally and socially intelligent CEO named Jerry Junkins. Junkins, an admirable leader who cared about people and about results, went on to reshape TI’s culture and save the firm.

In Support of an Honest Workplace

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for an honest workplace. It’s brutality that I reject.

When people feel disrespected in a brutally honest workplace culture, it diminishes their performance and the performance of the organization in several predictable ways. People who feel disrespected also feel disconnected to the organization, so they:

1. Don’t give their best efforts (i.e. employee engagement);
2. Don’t align their behavior with organizational goals (i.e. strategic alignment);
3. Don’t communicate as frequently or honestly so decision-makers don’t have the information they need to make optimal decisions (i.e. quality of decision-making);
4. Don’t engage in proactive thinking about how to improve the organization (i.e. innovation); and
5. Are more likely to be in a state of stress response, which, if chronic, diminishes their wellbeing and health (i.e. wellness).

Knowledge Traps Contribute to Managerial Failure

In the brutally honest workplace, the only people who feel safe to speak truthfully are those with power, control, influence and status. The rest of the people who have less power, control, influence and status—which tends to be about 75-80% of the people in any organization—don’t feel safe so they withhold expressing their opinions and ideas.

A brutally honest workplace culture is a breeding ground for what my colleagues and I refer to as “knowledge traps.” People who feel disrespected are more likely to withhold information and knowledge than to share it. They’ve learned that voicing a contrary point of view is often dangerous as it invites attacks from people who would rather be right than get to the right answer.

Knowledge traps are like cholesterol in the human body. When cholesterol builds up, it clogs the flow of blood, which leads to a heart attack. When knowledge traps build up in a team, department or organization, it results in poor decision-making, which in time contributes to managerial failure (the organizational equivalent of a heart attack).

Wisdom from Ancient Times

The best approach to bring honesty into any team or organization’s culture is to follow the wisdom written thousands of years ago in the Bible: speak truth in love . Although this may sound Pollyanna-ish, it’s actually practical. People are more likely to listen and consider your point of view when you speak honestly while applying these three practices:

1. Keep positive “relationship bank accounts”

People are more likely to consider your views when they feel you care for them versus if they perceive you as a threat or that you could care less about them. The idea of a relationship bank account is one approach to show you care.

To apply the relationship bank account practice, make more deposits to the relationship bank account and fewer withdrawals so that the account reflects a positive balance. When you take time to get to know, affirm and/or help an individual, you are making deposits to your relationship bank account with him or her; when you share constructive criticism or ask for favors you are making withdrawals.

Research by the psychologist John Gottman found this approach works in marriages, too. After observing the interactions of many couples filmed in research, Gottman came up with a “magic ratio” of five positive interactions to every negative interaction. Gottman discovered that when the ratio of positive to negative interactions stays at or exceed 5-to-1, there is a much higher probability that the marriage will last. Even though Gottman’s research applies to marriage, it’s relevant to other relationships. Applying a 5-to-1 ratio is probably a good target to aim for in work relationships too.

2. Begin with a humble and practical mindset

Before you express constructive criticism to a colleague, take time to reflect that you are not perfect and don’t have a monopoly on good ideas. Also know that your advice is more likely to be accepted if you deliver it in a kind, calm and gentle tone rather than a critical, forceful and judgmental one. This will put you in the right mindset to speak with humility and modesty.

3. Apply a “spoonful of sugar”

First of all, it’s better to express constructive criticism in private than in public. Before offering your point of view, begin with affirmation. Remind the other person of at least three things you genuinely appreciate about him or her. For example, you might say, “John, I appreciate the excellent work you do, your work ethic and the great ideas you contribute to our team.” After expressing appreciation, express constructive criticism with a “spoonful of sugar” (which, if you remember the words of Mary Poppins, “makes the medicine go down”). For example, you might preface your suggestion with “John, I think you would be even better if…” or “John, I think you might be even more effective if you did/ refrained from doing…”. If you are in a meeting and need to express constructive criticism in the moment, you might begin by saying “It’s just one person’s opinion but…” or “I may be wrong but…”

The bottom line is this: rudeness, arrogance and other forms of relational brutality in the workplace only invite uncooperative or retaliatory responses, and will diminish the performance of your team. Brutal honesty backfires and actually sabotages working relationships. Instead, apply the practices I describe above and you will bring greater honesty into your workplace in a way that supports your team’s and organization’s performance.

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Adding elements to a workplace that enhance people’s value effectively empowers people to achieve their potential. Here are six ways leaders can do this.

1. Make a human connection with as many people as possible.

Leaders need to acknowledge individuals. There’s no easier way to show you value people than to learn about them and use their names when you speak with them. Knowing names and personal stories helps leaders make a powerful emotional connection with people in a short time. Leaders from the top down should be expected to know the stories of the people with whom they frequently come in contact.

Connection is increased by helping employees know each other’s stories too, especially those of people who frequently interact with each other. One way to learn more about others is to maintain an intranet-based directory including employee names, pictures, and information they feel comfortable sharing, such as interests outside work, favorite books, movies, and quotations, and other items that communicate their unique stories. Giving individuals an opportunity to express themselves brings the color of human personality into the workplace.

2. Treat and speak to employees as partners.

Treating people below you in your organization’s hierarchy as equals rather than as inferiors enhances their sense of personal value.

As a leader, you should make eye contact, say hello, and use the person’s name, if possible, when you walk by an employee. Aloof behavior only communicates that someone is not worth acknowledging. Treat employees as partners too. Don’t expect them to do personal errands for you. Think of others as partners who play different roles from yours. You will keep them connected and energized as they sense the respect you show them.

3. Help employees find the right roles.

Another way to show appreciation is to help people better understand their abilities, temperaments, and values. Each individual is a unique combination of natural and learned cognitive capabilities. Assessment tools enable people to identify their skills, temperaments, learning styles, thinking styles, and values. Providing these resources to people will help leaders place them in the roles where they will be most likely to excel. People who excel will be more likely to receive genuine recognition and respect, and well-deserved praise is encouraging and strengthens connection.

Although many companies provide personality testing to selected leaders, few offer it to people throughout the organization. Chances are it has been a tool to help leaders build a well-balanced team of people based on their personality types. This is a good start. But more tools should be used if you are serious about bringing out the best in the people you lead.

4. Educate, inform, and listen to employees.

Educating, informing, and listening to employees enhance their sense of value. If you don’t let people know what you are thinking, if you don’t inform them and hear their points of view, they’ll probably assume the worst. When people can’t see the direction they are headed, they naturally experience anxiety. Conversely, when you inform and listen to them, they will be grateful that you recognized them and valued their ideas and opinions. With information and understanding comes a greater sense of security and optimism that the future is bright.

5. Decentralize decision making.

Allowing people to make decisions shows them that you respect their abilities and judgment and that you value them. Many firms over the last hundred years decentralized decision making. Decentralization gained momentum when Peter Drucker persuaded Alfred P. Sloan Jr. to decentralize decision making at General Motors Corporation. It also grew when manufacturers worldwide began to adopt the Lean Manufacturing practices of Japanese companies, replacing the overspecialized, assembly-line mentality with teams that developed broader knowledge and skills and had greater autonomy. One contributor to the continued success of Toyota Motor Company and its Lexus Luxury Division is the higher quality and lower cost benefits resulting from the Toyota Production System. This management approach combines a high degree of team-based training, autonomy, decentralized decision making, and responsibility for continuous improvement.

6. Recognize the human need for work/life balance.

Finally, we all have times when things outside work require our undivided attention. It may be the health of a loved one or our own health. Leaders need to balance giving employees time off to attend to urgent needs in their personal lives and being fair to other employees who have to do more work when a colleague is away.

Encouraging people to get sufficient rest and relaxation outside work is an important part of keeping people from burning out. Toward the end of most days, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt held a gathering for cocktails and poker where the only rule was that no one could talk politics. He cherished the time to relax and recharge. It revived his energy level and helped him maintain the optimism to lead America out of the Depression and through World War II. It also stimulated his creativity. During a vacation that some members of the press criticized FDR for taking, the president conceived the Lend Lease program to provide military assets to Great Britain in its hour of need.

Successful leaders imbue the culture they are responsible for leading with human value. Leaders such as Napoleon and George Pullman failed, at least in part, because they didn’t understand what motivates and demotivates people. Wise leaders know that applying human value in the work culture can make a world of difference by connecting and firing up people, ultimately affecting their own success or failure as leaders.

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The prevalence and extreme nature of star systems today contribute to widespread employee disconnection and disengagement. Here’s why.

Defining Terms: Star, Core, and Struggling Employees

Employees can be regarded as stars, core employees, or strugglers. Stars are superior performers. They are either a part of senior management or on track to move up the organization’s hierarchy. Core employees are valuable contributors but not stars. Strugglers perform poorly, some for temporary reasons and others because they may not fit well in their roles or with the company.

Star systems affect the economic, political, and social aspects of organizations. Leaders are more likely to favor stars economically by paying them more; politically by keeping them more informed, listening to and considering their points of view; and socially by spending more time with them and treating them as if they are superior human beings.

Be assured, the favoritism is noticed. The star system is similar to a caste system: the stars are Brahman or gentry, strugglers are the untouchables or peasants, and core employees fall somewhere in between. This system makes most employees feel like second-class citizens.

Please understand that I do not oppose linking rewards to performance. I do believe, however, that it can be carried too far not only economically—an issue that the media regularly focuses on—but also and perhaps more important, politically and socially, especially in light of the value provided by core employees.

Rediscovering the Value of Core Employees

Research by Thomas De Long at Harvard Business School and Vineeta Vijayaraghavan of Katzenbach Partners sheds some light on categorizing employees. Their research has shown that “B players” (whom I prefer to call core employees) are just as critical, and often more so, to an organization’s success as its stars. Core employees comprise the vast majority of an organization’s employees. They are often just as intelligent, talented, and knowledgeable as stars, yet they differ from them in several respects:

• Core employees are less likely to call attention to themselves.
• Core employees are less likely to leave their current employers for greener pastures.
• Core employees are quietly dedicated to their work and to their teammates.

Not all core employees are alike. Some core employees are former stars who now seek greater work/life balance. Others are “go-to” players who help their colleagues navigate the organization. Still other core employees are “truth tellers” who, although blunt at times in their criticism, help ensure the organization addresses important issues that others may be less willing to raise.

Why You Are Losing Core Employees

With the prolonged state of employee disengagement and disconnection there is good reason to believe that companies are vulnerable to losing many core employees in the years ahead. The reason: core employees feel their ideas and opinions are not sought or heard, and they are not respected or recognized for their work. At some level this lack of consideration is discouraging, and over time they become frustrated. Although they know that they’re valuable, feeling underappreciated keeps them from putting their hearts into their work.

Other factors contributing to the disconnection and disengagement of core employees has been the stream of high-profile cases of corporate malfeasance, downsizing, and the compensation differential between the company’s stars and the rest of the employees. Employee loyalty has waned; the relationship between most workers and leaders has eroded. Whether leaders realize it or not, they are sending the message to core employees that they are second-class citizens, that shareholders and the company’s stars are one team and the rest of the employees are another.

The Bottom Line

The pendulum has swung too far in the direction of the stars. Organizations need to treat everyone with dignity and respect within a meritocracy that allocates important projects to stars while giving core employees opportunities to prove that they can be stars too.

This article has been adapted from the book Fired Up or Burned Out: How to Reignite Your Team’s Passion, Creativity and Productivity. 

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Unnecessary rules and excessive controls devalue people by making them feel that they are not trusted or respected. A leader who micromanages his people will not engage or energize them.

Micromanaged employees are more likely to feel disconnected because it is a universal human need to have a reasonable degree of autonomy or freedom to do our work. When people have autonomy, they have a greater sense of control and experience personal growth as they develop new skills and expertise.

Example of a Micromanager in Action

Napoleon was known for micromanaging. After the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror that succeeded it, Napoleon restored order to the nation. Unfortunately, he didn’t know when to limit his controlling tendencies. According to historian James MacGregor Burns, Napoleon was not a bloodthirsty tyrant but a control fanatic. He controlled the press, books, theater, workers’ associations, and public demonstrations.

To teach the youth of France to respect the country’s laws, for example, he took control of French schools from the locals and hired instructors who were required to teach from the same syllabus and textbooks. The result of this overcontrolling approach was that children fled to Catholic schools. And when Napoleon enacted conscription for military duty, the lives of soldiers became so draconian and restrictive that as word spread, it produced “mass resistance of a sustained, endemic character,” according to historian Isser Woloch. Draft evaders were so desperate, they mutilated themselves or escaped over the Pyrenees mountain range to avoid military duty. The French did not want to be micromanaged.

French citizens wanted freedom, not an overbearing ruler to dictate every aspect of their lives. After the deaths of several hundred thousand French soldiers from the catastrophic campaign in Russia during 1814 and Napoleon’s later military defeat at Waterloo in 1815, his popular support waned. The self-appointed emperor learned that many of his supporters were of the fair-weather variety. In the end the British exiled Napoleon to the island of St. Helena.

How Micromanagement Derailed a Company

In the business world, the destructiveness of an excessively controlling person was demonstrated in the fall of the Pullman Palace Car Company in the late 1800s. George Pullman, an entrepreneur and engineer, created a successful company that built luxury railcars. As business boomed, Pullman built a company-owned town for his employees and named it after himself. He believed that a clean, orderly environment without saloons or other illicit attractions would produce superior workers. Pullman, Illinois, had a population of 8,000 people living in 1,400 housing units owned by Pullman and rented to the employees. It contained a school, a park, a library, a church, and other necessities of modern life.

The company maintained the streets and lawns. Rent was deducted from employees’ paychecks. To ensure that his rules were followed, Pullman hired “spotters” who identified troublemakers. If any of Pullman’s rules were violated, an employee could be evicted on ten days’ notice according to the terms of the rental agreement. Pullman kept his finger on the pulse of every aspect of his workers’ lives.

Although Pullman thought the workers should be grateful that he was allowing them to live in a Pullman-built utopia, they didn’t see it that way. Many complained about the lack of freedom and often left to visit Chicago’s neighborhoods nearby. In 1893 when the nation experienced a depression, Pullman was forced to lay off a fifth of his workforce and reduce wages by 25 percent for the remaining employees. Despite this downturn, workers who lived in Pullman’s town continued to pay rent at current rates. The financial squeeze unleashed an underlying torrent of discontent among workers. The combination of employee disengagement and reduced pay triggered a backlash. In May 1894, Pullman’s workers went on strike, and across the country other railroad workers, who were members of the labor union, joined the strike. After mass violence erupted and $80 million in property was damaged, President Grover Cleveland sent federal troops to protect the mail delivered via railroad, and the courts ordered an end to the strike. Eventually, Pullman’s company went bankrupt. Like Napoleon, Pullman learned the true feelings of the people he led, feelings that were hidden in good times.

George Pullman’s leadership is an extreme example of a well-intentioned leader who didn’t understand the people he led. Leaders can learn from Pullman’s unfortunate experience that controls—rules, processes, and procedures—should be maintained only if experience has proven that they are necessary and they produce benefits for the organization. Clearly, some controls are necessary and beneficial to ensure efficiency and concentration of effort, but excessive control is a sure way to contribute to employee burnout. Leaders need to strike the right balance between giving people freedom and maintaining a minimum of controls and rules.

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