What if the place where you’re least free became the place where you felt most connected?

That’s the remarkable paradox at the center of a recent New York Times essay by P.G. Sittenfeld, a Princeton-educated former city council member who served 16 months in federal prison — and emerged with a profound lesson about human belonging.

Sittenfeld describes finding deep camaraderie across every social divide imaginable: drug dealers and DEA agents, former mobsters and former preachers, Ivy Leaguers and men from Appalachia — all sitting at the same table, genuinely looking out for one another. The ego-stripping reality of shared circumstances, he writes, was “its own form of liberation.” With status markers gone, men were free to show up as their authentic selves.

Reading this, I saw the three elements of a Connection Culture at work — in the most unlikely of settings.

Vision. The men at Ashland shared a common purpose: get through a hard stretch of life together. That shared context created solidarity. When people feel they’re in something meaningful together, connection follows naturally.

Value. His cellmate always offered half of anything good to eat. His friend Doug beamed with joy at news of Sittenfeld’s release — perhaps happier than Sittenfeld himself. These men felt valued as human beings, not ranked by their credentials or crimes.

Voice. It started in a Bible study circle on his second day, when Sittenfeld broke down and admitted he just wanted to hear his wife’s voice. Rather than ridicule, the group listened, encouraged, and said they were all navigating this together. Real voice. Real listening. Real connection.

The lesson for leaders is simple but demanding: the conditions that foster connection aren’t accidental. They require intentional Vision that unites people around something bigger than themselves, genuine care that makes every person feel Valued, and cultures where every Voice is heard without judgment.

You don’t need razor wire to create proximity. You need purpose, regard, and the courage to truly listen.

Where in your organization are people experiencing that kind of connection — and where are the gaps?

Photo by Daniel Bernard on Unsplash

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A recent article in The New York Times highlights the impactful leadership of Nike CEO Elliott Hill.

What stands out about Elliott is his passion for excellence and his ability to connect with people, reflecting the culture of Texas Christian University, his alma mater. The article points out that under the previous CEO, Nike had become disconnected from its star athletes and leaders in various leagues. Upon returning from retirement at the request of Nike founder Phil Knight, Elliott made it a priority to travel globally to reconnect with these key figures.

The author notes that when Elliott enters a room, he greets everyone, regardless of their status, demonstrating his respect for individuals. This approach fosters human connection, which is crucial for building trust. As Michael Jordan remarked, Elliott Hill embodies what Nike needed, emphasizing his unique ability to establish trust with athletes, partners, and individuals worldwide.

For more insights, check out the full article here.

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If you have ever wanted to learn more about how the power of connection can help you and your team become smarter, happier, more productive and more resilient to cope with stress, then I have good news for you.

Join me for a free, virtual book club event hosted by the Blanchard Community as we discuss tips from my book, Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy and Understanding at Work (2nd edition). 

• Date: November 19, 2025
• Time: 3:00-3:45 pm CST
• Cost: Free

You can find all the details and register here.

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The month of May marks a time of transition across college campuses in the U.S. as students who have completed their degrees celebrate graduation and prepare to embark on their next chapter.

On the campus of TCU (Texas Christian University), Victor Boschini recently handed out diplomas and paused to pose for photographs for the final time as the school’s chancellor. Thankfully for the TCU Horned Frog family, the transition for this “super connector” has him remaining on campus in his new role as chancellor emeritus.

I’ve written before about TCU’s rise from regional liberal arts college to nationally recognized university, but the stats are astounding. For example:

• Since Boschini’s tenure began, TCU’s first-year student retention rate has risen from 83.5% to an all-time high of 94.3% in 2023. This compares to a national average retention rate of 70.57% and an average retention rate of 68.17% for schools in Texas.
• The Princeton Review ranks TCU among the top 10 colleges in categories such as best-run colleges, happiest students, and best quality of life.
• The university’s “Lead On: A Campaign for TCU” philanthropic initiative surpassed its $1 billion goal.
• Student interest has surged, with more than 22,000 applications for fewer than 2,500 freshman spots in the 2024-2025 academic year.

Irrespective of the sector or size of group that you’re in, there are important lessons you can learn from this successful leader and teacher about the power of connection that you can apply in your own setting. In a recent article published by SmartBrief on Leadership, Katharine P. Stallard and I explore what Chancellor Boschini has shared with us about his leadership philosophy and the importance of connection.

Click here to read it (free access and no registration required, so you can close out of the optional sign up if prompted).

Photo of Chancellor Boschini courtesy of Texas Christian University

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As many organizations move away from diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives, they are left asking, “what’s next?” 

My proposal is to replace DEI programs with something more effective: cultivating a culture of connection (also referred to as a “Connection Culture” or “Connected Culture”). This approach intentionally develops positive bonds among people, fostering collaboration, cooperation, employee engagement, strategic alignment, innovation, better decision-making, agility, adaptability and overall superior performance.

In a recent article published by SmartBrief on Leadership, I explain the challenge of many DEI programs and how Connection Culture addresses those challenges, why Connection Culture is a proven model for uniting teams, and how to implement Connection Culture in a way that avoids the pitfalls of DEI.

If you need help cultivating a culture of connection in your organization, reach out to me. From workshops to help train your team to books and resources, I can help your team get off to a strong start.

The post A More Effective DEI Alternative: Connection Culture appeared first on Michael Lee Stallard.

Recently, I had the pleasure of speaking with Will Milano, Chief Marketing Officer at Integrity Solutions and host of the Mental Selling podcast, about why connection matters in sales. 

If you work in sales or manage a sales team, this conversation is for you. We talk about strategies sales leaders can use to create a work environment where sellers thrive, ultimately making the team more productive and successful.

Listen to the full podcast.

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First published by Smartbrief on Leadership

As artificial intelligence continues to advance, the internal workings of Microsoft should be a matter of interest to more than just its employees and shareholders. Being a major player in AI, Microsoft will face considerable opportunities, challenges, and even threats of enormous magnitude in the years to come. Is Microsoft ready to navigate well if the sometimes smooth, sometimes choppy waters in the world of technology suddenly turn chaotic?

Highlighting the fragility of our technology infrastructure, last month, a glitch in a software update from the cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike caused computer systems running the Microsoft Windows operating system to crash. And while Microsoft estimated that it affected 8.5 million Windows devices, or less than one percent of all Windows machines, the incident wreaked havoc on organizations worldwide. But it also showed us something about Microsoft as it collaborated and worked quickly with CrowdStrike, Microsoft’s customers, and competitors, including Amazon Web Services and Google Cloud Platform, to remedy the situation.

Looking at Microsoft Through the Lens of Connection Culture

Satya Nadella and his senior leadership team at Microsoft are currently on a roll. Microsoft’s annual revenue has soared from $86 billion to $236.6 billion since Nadella became CEO in 2014 and its stock price has increased 12-fold. It’s no wonder Nadella has been recognized this year as the CEO most admired by fellow Fortune 500 CEOs.

In our work with leaders, we teach them that task excellence + relationship excellence = sustainable superior performance. Of the two equally important variables in that equation, most leaders put the focus on pursuing task excellence, neglecting or downplaying the critical piece of fostering relationship excellence. The peril, as we point out, is that a failure of relationships sabotages tasks and results. A group with a culture of relational disconnection may see short-term success but growing disengagement will hold it back. That’s true, whether it is a small team or a large organization operating globally.

Satya Nadella is clearly not like most leaders. He has developed both task and relationship excellence at Microsoft and has earned the trust of the company’s 221,000 employees who feel connected to him and, as a result, are willing to go all out to achieve the company’s vision.

The employees’ day-in and day-out, lived experience of the culture matters to Nadella. It is foundational. He has said, “[…] in order to get your strategies right and products right, you need two things that really anchor you: that sense of purpose and mission, which gives you direction, and then culture, which makes it even possible for you to pursue that mission.”

Looking through the lens of our Connection Culture framework (see diagram below) with its relationship excellence elements of Vision, Value, and Voice, this article briefly explores how Satya Nadella has cultivated relationship excellence that makes people at Microsoft feel connected to not just him, but to each other and to Microsoft’s customers.

Connection Culture Model of Leadership

©2024 E Pluribus Partners and Michael Lee Stallard

Vision: Uniting Around a Shared Purpose

A compelling vision and mission should inspire an organization’s employees and provide a shared sense of where they are going, why it’s important to get there, and how they are going to get there. It is the banner under which an organization’s goals and activities should align.

Back in 1975, when computers were still massive and required a temperature-controlled room, Microsoft’s founding vision and mission was bold: “A computer on every desk and in every home.” That rallying cry was still in place when Satya Nadella joined as an engineer in 1992. By the end of the 1990s, that once audacious goal was conceivable. Under Steve Ballmer, who followed Bill Gates as CEO in 2000 and preceded Nadella, the qualifying phrase of “running Microsoft software” was added at the end of the vision.

Under Nadella’s leadership, the vision and mission have changed from being centered on Microsoft’s success to focusing more widely on the success of its customers. In 2017 Microsoft announced its strategic vision is “to compete and grow by building best-in-class platforms and productivity services for an intelligent cloud and an intelligent edge infused with AI.” Microsoft’s vision has evolved from being a traditional software company to a forward-thinking technology leader that employs cloud computing, artificial intelligence, and quantum computing to usher in an “intelligence revolution” that allows people to complete more complex tasks while reducing their cognitive load. Nadella articulates this vision by emphasizing Microsoft’s mission to “empower every person and every organization on the planet to achieve more.”

This vision and mission unite employees around a common purpose, driving the company towards significant milestones, such as the growth of Azure, Microsoft’s cloud platform, and the integration of AI capabilities across its product suite. By clearly communicating this vision, Nadella has created a sense of unity and direction that motivates employees to contribute their best efforts towards shared goals.

Value: Respecting and Caring for People

Creating a culture of connection in which employees feel valued as individuals and not treated as mere means to an end requires respecting and caring for people, appreciating and recognizing them for their contributions.

Nadella’s approach to leadership prioritizes getting to know people, including their personal lives, listening to and understanding employees’ needs, and fostering a supportive environment where individuals feel valued and motivated.

It is notable that Nadella views empathy as a core leadership trait. In his book, Hit Refresh: The Quest to Rediscover Microsoft’s Soul and Imagine a Better Future for Everyone, Nadella wrote about personal experiences that have shaped his leadership philosophy in that regard, particularly how the experience of parenting a special needs child impacted him on many levels, opening his perspective. His son Zain, the eldest of his three children, was born with cerebral palsy and passed away in 2022 at age 25. Nadella also credits his wife, Anu, for how she models empathy and for teaching him how to forgive himself. Expanding on that in an interview published in Good Housekeeping, he shared: “Once you come to that deeper realization [that none of us is or will be perfect], you don’t judge as quickly, you listen better and you can amplify people’s strengths versus dwelling on their weaknesses. I think my road to empathy has been possible because of my ability to confront my own mistakes and shortcomings.”

Discussing the role of empathy in a conversation with David Rubenstein on leadership, he spoke of it as “an existential priority for business” and he linked it to innovation. “Our business is to meet the unmet, unarticulated needs of customers. There is no way [this will] come about if we don’t listen — not just to the words, but go deep to understand what the needs are behind it. Empathy is core to innovation. Life’s experiences, if you listen and learn from them, teach you.”

Under Nadella’s leadership, substantial efforts have been made to instill a sense of human value within the culture. Initiatives that demonstrate his commitment to valuing employees range from introducing flexible work policies and investing in employee well-being programs to beginning senior leadership team meetings by celebrating a group in Microsoft that is doing amazing research.

“Care is the new currency for every leader,” he wrote in his letter in Microsoft’s 2021 Annual Report. “Our managers strive to model our culture and values in their actions, to coach their teams to define objectives and adapt and learn, and to care deeply for their employees, seeking to understand their capabilities, ambitions, and invest in their growth.”

Voice: Encouraging Open Communication

The element of Voice is about ensuring people throughout the organization feel they have the opportunity to share their ideas and opinions and they are informed on matters that are important to them. In a culture of connection, this honest dialogue will happen in a manner that safeguards relational connections. A culture that encourages ongoing open communication empowers employees to contribute meaningfully and fosters innovation.

Under Nadella’s leadership, Microsoft has made significant strides in promoting a culture of curiosity and open communication. By shifting Microsoft’s corporate mindset from a “know-it-all” organization to a “learn-it-all” organization, Nadella has cultivated an environment where employees are encouraged to seek knowledge, adapt, and grow.

In Hit Refresh, Nadella described the importance of creating a feedback-rich environment in which employees feel comfortable voicing their opinions and ideas. Toward that end, he has implemented regular town hall meetings and open forums where employees can directly engage with leadership and discuss their concerns and suggestions.

Recognizing that a diverse workforce brings a variety of perspectives and ideas to the table, Nadella has championed diversity and inclusion initiatives. By promoting an inclusive environment, Nadella ensures that all voices are heard and valued, spurring innovation and collaboration across the organization.

Striving to Be a Connected, Collaborative, and Cooperative Organization

The cultural shifts at Microsoft reflect Nadella’s belief that the “C” in his job as CEO stands for culture. “What I realize more than ever now is that my job is curation of our culture,” Nadella shared in an interview. “If you don’t focus on creating a culture that allows people to do their best work, then you’ve created nothing.”

Nadella sees Microsoft’s culture as embodying a “growth mindset,” characterized by an obsession with customers, decision-making derived from a diversity of opinions and perspectives, and behavior that reflects “One Microsoft” — a connected, collaborative, and cooperative organization both internally and with customers and strategic partners.

Satya Nadella exemplifies a leader who is intentional about creating a culture of human connection that fosters both task excellence and relationship excellence. His dedication to working under a shared vision that inspires growth, valuing employees, and giving them a voice has unlocked productivity and innovation, elevating Microsoft’s performance and positioning the organization to navigate what is likely to be a tumultuous decade ahead.

As leaders look to cultivate similar cultures within their teams and organizations, Nadella’s example serves as a powerful testament to the impact of human connection on achieving sustainable success and preparing for a challenging future.

Katharine P. Stallard co-authored this article. 

Image of Satya Nadella by Brian Smale and Microsoft via Wikimedia Commons under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license. Image has been cropped. 

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Can real-life office connections save lives? Consider this: a chance meeting in an office setting years ago set in motion a vaccine to prevent untold number of deaths due to Covid-19.

Dr. Katalin Kariko and Dr. Drew Wiseman, both researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, got to talking one day about their respective areas of RNA and immunology as they took turns using a copier. That friendly conversation led to a collaboration that ultimately resulted in the mRNA technology used in the first Covid-19 vaccines. For their pioneering work, in 2023 the two were awarded the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine.

Chance encounters that spark innovation is one reason why leaders advocate for a full return to the office. However, this policy makes attracting and retaining the best employees difficult. Work has not returned to pre-pandemic norms. Many of the best employees prefer maximum flexibility and favor employers who provide that flexibility. Requiring people to be at the office five days a week will be a deal breaker for many people going forward.

Recent research by Gallup on remote-capable employees found that only 20 percent work entirely on-site, 30 percent work entirely remotely, and 50 percent of them have hybrid work arrangements. In addition, Gallup found that eight in ten remote-capable employees expect to work hybrid or fully remote.

What if leaders thought about this differently? Rather than strictly dictating being on-site, consider offering employees the flexibility to work remotely part of the time then make being in the office such a positive, inclusive, and energizing experience that people want to be in the office together. Leaders can do this through cultivating a culture that is rich in relational connection.

Why Connection Cultures Are Attractive

Here’s why this approach works. As I explained in Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, a culture of connection meets the seven universal human needs at work:

• Respect
• Recognition
• Belonging
• Autonomy
• Personal growth
• Meaning
• Progress

Who wouldn’t want to work in an environment that offers these benefits?

Employers benefit, too. Connection cultures boost employee engagement, improve the quality of decisions, increase the rate of innovation, and much more. Only this type of culture is a win-win for employees and employers.

How to Create a Connection Culture

Great leaders recognize that perks, creature comforts, and a cool office vibe aren’t enough to create an environment where people want to be. Instead, they look for ways to boost these three building blocks of a relationally rich Connection Culture:

• Communicate a vision that inspires and unites people
• Value people as individuals instead of thinking of or treating them as mere means to an end
• Give people a voice to share their opinions then consider their input when possible

Three Ideas to Try

• Ask your employees for feedback…and really listen. See what they think about the direction of your company, the current work environment, their perspective on being back in office, and what they would do differently if they could. What have they appreciated about working from home? What have they missed about being in the office?
• Bring back a pre-pandemic favorite or start a unique new tradition. Was the annual chili cookoff always a big hit? Did your team bond over shopping for and wrapping gifts for underprivileged kids around the holidays? These less frequent, but highly meaningful, traditions are the perfect candidates to bring back. You can also start a new tradition that ties into your local culture, like a crawfish boil, clam bake, or barbeque. Aim to offer a meaningful connection opportunity on a quarterly basis.
• Find your weak spots, then strengthen them. Take an honest look at how connecting and engaging your various team sub-cultures are. Use past employee engagement surveys, opinions expressed in exit interviews, and what you’ve picked up through conversations and observations. Identify the teams that would benefit from more focused efforts to improve connection and start there. Identify the leaders or team members who would benefit from mentoring to improve their connection skills, then offer it to them.

Three Ideas to Skip

• Make a one-size-fits-all policy decision. Instead, consider the level of in-person interaction that is truly necessary for each team to do their work well.
• Offer “fun” that isn’t really fun. Friday pizza parties and 8 am Monday bagels and coffee won’t truly incentivize anyone who wasn’t planning to be at the office anyway to come. Would you brave a Monday morning commute just for a bagel? Save those budget dollars and put them toward something your team will truly enjoy.
• Put different requirements on local versus remote workers. A common complaint from locals who are required to be in office is that they still end up spending most of their in-office time on Zoom calls because of geographically dispersed team members. If your team has members who can’t come to the office regularly due to geographic constraints, consider reserving mandatory in-office time for those less frequent occasions when everyone can truly be together.

The Bottom Line

We all want to reap the benefits that come with in-person interactions, but return to office initiatives will fail unless backed by an engaging in-office environment. Gain a competitive advantage in the war for talent by fostering a Connection Culture. Your employees – and bottom line – will thank you.

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

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The decline of social connection and rise of loneliness in the United States has caught the attention of the U.S. Surgeon General’s office, which prompted the publication of a new advisory.

“The harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished,” writes U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy in Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community released on May 2, 2023. “Given the profound consequences of loneliness and isolation [on individual and societal health], we have an opportunity, and an obligation, to make the same investments in addressing social connection that we have made in addressing tobacco use, obesity, and the addiction crisis.”

Dr. Murthy believes that this is an “urgent public health issue” that calls for much greater public awareness as well as substantive action, and therefore it is worthy of the serious step of issuing a Surgeon General’s Advisory. Not only does the new advisory lay out an in-depth case that America is facing an epidemic of loneliness and social isolation that is harmful to our country and its citizens, it also provides a national strategy to increase social connection. We’re encouraged that the advisory calls for an increase in connection across all areas of daily life and makes recommendations to the following stakeholder groups: national, territory, state, local, and tribal governments; health workers, health care systems, and insurers; public health professionals and public health departments; researchers and research institutions; philanthropy; schools and education departments; workplaces; community-based organizations; technology companies; media and entertainment industries; parents and caregivers; and individuals.

We wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Murthy’s assessment. For nearly 20 years, we’ve been advocating for greater connection in the workplace and in life outside of work because we know the profound positive impact connection has on individuals and groups. The loneliness epidemic that has been growing, and was exacerbated by the Covid-19 pandemic, has made our mission more than just about improving engagement and productivity in the workplace. We are grateful that we had the opportunity to provide advice and feedback to the team from the Surgeon General’s office that prepared a report on improving mental health and wellbeing in the workplace that was issued in October 2022.

“If we fail to [build more connected lives and a more connected society],” warns Dr. Murthy, “we will pay an ever-increasing price in the form of our individual and collective health and well-being. And we will continue to splinter and divide until we can no longer stand as a community or a country. Instead of coming together to take on the great challenges before us, we will further retreat to our corners—angry, sick, and alone.”

Advisory Recommends “Cultivate a Culture of Connection”

Of the advisory’s six pillars to advance social connection, we’re focusing this article on the pillar of developing and sustaining cultures of connection. Here is how the advisory presents this foundational piece:

A culture of connection is vital to creating the changes needed in society. While formal programs and policies can be impactful, the informal practices of everyday life—the norms and culture of how we engage one another—significantly influence social connection. These shared beliefs and values drive our individual and collective behaviors that then shape programs and policies. We cannot be successful in the other pillars without this underlying culture of connection (italics ours).

Such a culture of connection rests on core values of kindness, respect, service, and commitment to one another. Everyone contributes to the collective culture of social connection by regularly practicing these values. Advancing this culture requires individuals and leaders to seek opportunities to do so in public and private dialogue, schools, workplaces, and in the forces that shape our society like media and entertainment, among others. Behaviors are both learned from and reinforced by the groups we participate in and the communities we are a part of. Thus, the more we observe others practicing these values, the more they will be reinforced in us.

All types of leaders and influencers (national, local, political, cultural, corporate, etc.) can use their voices to underscore these core values and model healthy social connection and dialogue. Media and entertainment shape our beliefs through the depiction of stories. These narratives can help individuals see themselves in stories and help to reduce stigma, thus enabling more connection. Further, our institutions should invest time, attention, and resources in ways that demonstrate these values.

Specifically regarding the role of workplaces, the advisory recommends the following:

• Make social connection a strategic priority in the workplace at all levels (administration, management, and employees).
• Train, resource, and empower leaders and managers to promote connection in the workplace and implement programs that foster connection. Assess program effectiveness, identify barriers to success, and facilitate continuous quality improvement.
• Leverage existing leadership and employee training, orientation, and wellness resources to educate the workforce about the importance of social connection for workplace well-being, health, productivity, performance, retention, and other markers of success.
• Create practices and a workplace culture that allow people to connect to one another as whole people, not just as skill sets, and that fosters inclusion and belonging.
• Put in place policies that protect workers’ ability to nurture their relationships outside work including respecting boundaries between work and non-work time, supporting caregiving responsibilities, and creating a culture of norms and practices that support these policies.
• Consider the opportunities and challenges posed by flexible work hours and arrangements (including remote, hybrid, and in-person work), which may impact workers’ abilities to connect with others both within and outside of work. Evaluate how these policies can be applied equitably across the workforce.

How We Can Help

If you are ready to put the advisory’s recommendations into action, we can help. Because many actions that boost connection reflect common sense, leaders often assume they are occurring in the organization (when in fact they are not). We’ve come alongside a wide range of organizations and leaders at all levels over the past two decades and we understand that what may be common knowledge may not be common practice. Our work focuses on helping you to find ways to make connection practical and integrate it into your day-to-day workflow. We’ll help you develop a connection mindset and then equip you with a connection skill set to increase connection.

If you would like to speak with us about the services we provide, contact me (Michael) at mike@connectionculture.com or call me at (203) 550-0360. We provide keynote speeches, and half-day and one-day interactive workshops and training on creating a culture of connection. In addition, check out our book, Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, now in its second edition, and our Linkedin Learning course, “Creating a Connection Culture.”

Katharine P. Stallard coauthored this article. 

Photo by Priscilla du Preez on Unsplash

The post Healing Our Workplaces through Cultures of Connection appeared first on Michael Lee Stallard.

Our focus is on the importance of human connection and cultivating a culture of connection in the workplace, but what we’ve learned about connection applies beyond the realm of our work lives. The principles are relevant for individuals, community groups, sports teams, nations and even families. Knowing that a connection deficit negatively affects our own health and well-being, the health of groups and the health of society, we’ve become concerned observing how the pace and stress of life threaten to squeeze out time for supportive, lifegiving relationships and endeavors. Improving connection in the home can lead toward a more fulfilling life and healthier communities, organizations and nations.

As humans, we are hardwired to connect. Matthew Lieberman, a prominent neuroscientist, refers to human connection as a superpower because it makes us smarter, happier and more productive. It also makes us more resilient to cope with stress.

A growing body of research establishes that connection improves wellness, well-being and performance throughout our lifetime. Here are a few of the findings:

• Babies and infants who feel connected are healthier.
• Primary and secondary students who feel connected to their teachers and classmates perform better academically.
• College students who feel connected are less likely to experience anxiety, depression, addiction and suicide ideation, and they perform better academically. 
• Seniors who feel connected are mentally and physically healthier and live longer. 

Child psychology research describes love in a family in terms of forming “secure attachments,” a synonym for human connections. In Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, we wrote: 

When John Bowlby studied homeless and orphaned children following World War II, he found that children who experienced little or no connection developed emotional and behavioral problems. … Mary Ainsworth, Bowlby’s onetime student and eventual colleague, went on to conduct research on infants that identified patterns of connection that are formed in early childhood. The attachment patterns she identified were shown to affect the development of social skills, confidence, curiosity and exploratory behavior, enthusiasm, persistence in problem solving, and the ability to cope with ambiguity, change, and stress. Children with secure attachments developed well, whereas children with insecure attachments developed poorly.

Children who form secure attachments feel loved and safe and, as a result, are more likely to set out to explore the world knowing that they can return to their parents for comfort and protection if they feel unsafe or threatened. In contrast, children who develop insecure attachments are constantly on alert and they are less likely to wander around exploring their world. They are also more likely to cling to objects that provide comfort as a substitute attachment figure, often a favorite toy or blanket. (Some clinging to objects is natural but too much clinging to objects may be a sign that they are substituting it for human connection that they would typically get from a parent or caregiver.) Absent a secure attachment pattern that is formed in the human brain, children will develop one of several insecure attachment patterns that make it more difficult for them to regulate their emotions when they feel threatened or unsafe.

When children feel connected to their family, they are more confident that they are lovable and it is easier for them to love others rather than self-protect by withholding their love. It also makes them feel confident to take risks and more likely to have high aspirations. Stated another way, the love and human connection children receive at home and in their community gives them courage, which, interestingly, is derived from the French word coeur, meaning heart. 

Relational cultures either connect or disconnect people

In our research, we identified three types of relational cultures: cultures of connection, cultures of control and cultures of indifference. With cultures of control, those with power rule over the rest. It breeds an environment in which people fear to make mistakes or take risks. In some cases, the dominant person uses means that result in emotional or physical abuse. In cultures of indifference, people are so busy with tasks they don’t take time to connect which results in neglect. Cultures of control and indifference are disconnecting and can leave people feeling marginalized, lonely, underappreciated or uncertain. In cultures of connection, people humbly love and serve one another so that everyone feels a bond of connection that helps them thrive, individually and collectively.

We teach that cultures of connection exist when leaders communicate an inspiring vision to serve the greater good, they value people rather than think of and treat them as mere means to an end and they have the humility to give people a voice by seeking people’s ideas and opinions then considering them when possible before making decisions. Cultures of connection are cultivated when leaders attend to the three elements of Vision, Value and Voice. 

The word “culture” is derived from Latin and French words that refer to care and tilling the ground for agricultural purposes. It’s helpful to think of culture creation as being cultivated as we would cultivate a garden. For flowers to bloom their best, a gardener must attend to the garden’s need for water, sun and nutrients in the soil as well as any necessary weeding, pruning and protection from predators. Are the conditions conducive for healthy growth so the plants will flourish and be all they were created to be? Are there any conditions that are inhibiting growth? Are there any external factors that may harm the plants?

Cultivating a culture of connection in a family

What might cultivating a culture of connection look like in the context of a family? What attitudes, uses of language or behaviors that work in an organizational setting could you use that will foster connection at home, whether your role is a leader (i.e., parent) or a colleague (i.e., a family member)?

Vision is about identity. Chances are you don’t have vision, mission and values statements for your family carefully word-smithed the way a business organization would (though we know a few families who have thoughtfully done this). It’s worth taking the time to have conversations that explore these questions: “Who are we as a family?,” “What do we believe in?” and “What character qualities are important to us?” 

The family of Alan Mulally, one of the greatest business leaders of all time, provides a helpful example when it comes to cultivating connection through Vision. Alan’s parents taught him maxims that communicated the importance of forming human connections through humility, love and service. Before he headed off to school, his mother or father would often say, “remember, honey, the purpose of life is to love and be loved, with the first of those being the most important” or “Alan, remember, ‘to serve is to live.’” Other maxims he regularly heard included, “respect everyone; we are all creatures of God and worthy to be loved,” “it’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice,” “seek to understand, before seeking to be understood,” and “by working together with others, you can make the most positive contributions to the most people.” Nearly every one of the maxims Mulally was taught had the effect of drawing people closer to one another (i.e., connecting them) as opposed to pushing them apart from one another (i.e., disconnecting them).

The love Alan felt in his family had a huge impact on him and it informed the kind of leader he became. Alan applied “humility, love and service leadership” to lead complex projects to impressive results at Boeing Commercial Airplanes and save Ford Motor Company when he was their CEOs. The year he retired from Ford, Fortune magazine named him one of the three best leaders in the world. 

Value is about recognizing the inherent value of each individual and treating them with dignity and respect; it is loving each other as individuals and not thinking of or treating others as mere means to an end. When we take time to serve one another out of love, it connects us. 

There are a multitude of ways to demonstrate Value at home through actions we take that serve the other person and show we care. This may mean intentionally arranging your work calendar to prioritize attending a child’s concert or sporting event, making your spouse’s coffee in the morning or taking a turn to clean up the kitchen after a meal. It’s also the words we use (and the volume and tone of voice). When we see our child doing something right, it’s affirming them for what it says about them and not just what they did. And when we see them doing something wrong, it’s correcting them in a measured way that reflects our love for them rather than lashing out in anger or frustration.

As a family, Value is having meals together and using that time gathered around the table to ask each family member about what happened throughout the day. It’s less about checking up on them (what they did) and more about checking in with them (how they are doing). Listen closely and ask follow-up questions to draw out more of the story.

As a parent, look for opportunities that show your child how serving others is a way to express love and enhance connection. Giving children chores teaches them to do their part as a member of the family. As they get older, having jobs such as mowing a neighbor’s lawn, babysitting or bagging groceries gives them the experience of serving others in the community. We know families who volunteer at a local soup kitchen together or choose to spend a school vacation serving for a week at an orphanage in a poorer area.

Voice is about having the humility to seek the opinions and ideas of others. It is about bringing people “into the loop” and including them so they feel informed. At home, this might look like asking family members what they want to do on a family trip being planned. It might be steering conversations toward topics they are interested in. As children notice that you are factoring in what you learn about a family member’s interests and preferences, it makes them feel more connected. Encouraging children to “seek to understand before seeking to be understood,” as Alan Mulally’s parents taught him, will remind them to give others a voice too. 

Here’s a best practice that combines all three elements: have a weekly family meeting on Sunday. What you cover will depend on the ages and attention spans of the participants. At a minimum, use it as an opportunity for each family member to share what is coming up in the week ahead and how they feel about it. This gives you a chance to get relevant details in the calendar as well as anticipate issues and make plans to address them. (Are all the sports uniforms clean, permission slips signed, birthday gifts purchased, etc.? How is the essay for English or the important business proposal coming along? Try-outs are Thursday so let’s keep Wednesday as stress-free as possible.) More importantly, it gets everyone “on the same page” so they can go into the week from a “we” rather than “me” standpoint and be supportive of one another.

Connection’s positive role in moving us forward

Today, people are longing for connection. America was suffering from an epidemic of loneliness before the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic and the social isolation we experienced during the pandemic made it worse. Human connection is essential for our health, happiness and flourishing in life. Because technology is ubiquitous today, meeting our need for connection can be challenging. It requires putting down our smartphones, tablets and PCs then engaging with others to develop meaningful connections with the people around us. We’re optimistic and believe that re-connecting in our homes, workplaces and communities will lead to a bright future. 

This article was coauthored by Katharine P. Stallard. 

Photo by CDC on Unsplash.

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