Check out this thought-provoking presentation by MIT Professor Sherry Turkle.  It’s about the topic of her book entitled Alone Together. She does an outstanding job of articulating the risks of becoming addicted to virtual connections.

As human beings we need to feel connected to other people in order to thrive. I’ve written extensively about this in the Connection Culture Manifesto and in Fired Up or Burned Out.  We are human beings not machines.  We need to develop intimacy, trust and affection with our family members, friends and colleagues at work. Absent meeting the need for feeling connected to others, we dysfunction.  The subtle allure of feeling connected online can develop into addiction so we must guard against allowing virtual connections to crowd out time for face-to-face connection.  Striking the right balance is key.

In her presentation, Professor Turkle points out that virtual connection represents another threat in that it can crowd out time to be alone with ourselves.  I couldn’t agree more.  We need time to reflect on our lives and who we aspire to be.  This is essential to develop strength of character and moral confidence.  Nelson Mandela, in a letter he wrote in 1975 while incarcerated at Robben Island Prison, expressed this so well:

“Honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility, pure generosity, absence of vanity, readiness to serve others — qualities which are within easy reach of the every soul — are the foundation of one’s spiritual life.  Development in matters of this nature is inconceivable without serious introspection, without knowing yourself, your weaknesses and mistakes.  At least, if for nothing else, the cell gives you the opportunity to look daily  into your entire conduct, to overcome the bad and develop whatever is good in you. …Never forget that a saint is a sinner who keeps on trying.”

The bottom line is that absent time to connect and to reflect, the culture of distraction will shape us into the shallow hedonists Aldous Huxley warned of in Brave New World and Neil Postman more recently wrote about in Amusing Ourselves to Death.

Are you over-connected online?  Are you losing intimacy and genuine connection with your family members and friends because of the amount of  time you spend on your computer or smart phone?  Do you make sufficient time in your day for self-relection?  As a self-described “achievaholic” these are very real risks for me.  Tonight I’m going to ask my wife and daughters to let me know if I’m online too much by asking me a one-word question: “OVER-CONNECTED?” (For maximum impact,  this question can be uttered with a sarcastic tone of voice.) If over-connection is a risk for you, why not join me and ask your family members and friends to call you on it when you need to unplug.

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