To become truly indispensable requires a human connection that nurtures trust.  Integral to this type of connection is Shared Identity, Shared Empathy and Shared Understanding.

Shared Identity results from a mutual commitment to a mission and/or set of values.  If you have a passion for aircraft then working for a client who shares that passion will help you connect with him.   Likewise, if you value transparency and frequent communications then having a client who shares those values will help you connect.  Other things being equal, the more values you share, the greater the connection.

A second way people connect is through Shared Empathy.  If you and your client have similar interests and you experience similar emotions while discussing those interests together, it increases connection.  For example, you may both get excited talking about college basketball or know what it’s like to have a family member battle cancer. Understanding what’s important in your client’s life will help you identify common ground topics that lead to connection.

Shared Understanding is the third way to connect on a personal level.  Connection is increased when you ask questions of your client and carefully listen to her answers so that you understand her perspective.  After you’ve taken time to understand her perspective and shared your response in a way that accounts for it, your connection will grow even stronger.  The field of contract law uses the term “a meeting of the minds” that captures the idea of Shared Understanding well. Developing a Shared Understanding requires listening carefully, continued probing to clarify ambiguity and having the patience to persevere. More complex topics take a greater amount of time to reach a Shared Understanding than simple topics do. Dealing with people who are more open and naturally more trusting will also speed up the time required to reach a Shared Understanding.

There is an important trap to watch out for.  Behavior that puts your interest ahead of your client’s interest undermines connection.  Even the perception of this will be damaging.  That’s why it’s wise to carefully think through the benefits and potential objections your client might have then plan how you will clearly communicate to avoid even the appearance of self-interest.

When you bring a client needed skills and steadily work to increase connection, you’ll become an indispensable trusted partner.   That’s when you can ask your client if there is anyone else he knows who might benefit from hearing about your work.  Doors will open for you to add new clients and begin building connection with them.

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Michael Lee Stallard is president of E Pluribus Partners. He speaks and teaches about leadership, employee engagement, productivity and innovation at leading organizations such as Google, NASA and the Darden Graduate School of Business. Formerly Michael held management positions in marketing, finance and investment banking at organizations including Morgan Stanley, Charles Schwab and Texas Instruments.

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