It’s that time of year. Cue the extra stress! The last two months of the calendar year are filled with opportunities and tasks that may test you, stretch you, entertain you, frustrate you, surprise you, or exhaust you.

On top of your normal day-to-day, there are several major holidays, with a host of related activities and expectations. On the job, you may have end-of-quarter deadlines or quotas to meet, annual performance reviews to prepare for, goals and budgets to draft, and social events to attend. It’s not all bad, but together, it can be a lot.

But wait, there’s more. Let’s also acknowledge the ongoing stress in the air from the U.S. election season we’ve just endured and all that comes with transitions to new leadership on local, state, and federal levels. Whether you are pleased or dismayed that voters recently elected Donald J. Trump for his second term as president, change is coming.

Change often sparks stress as individuals and institutions chart new paths, and the sheer magnitude of the changes Trump promised on the campaign trail make it highly likely that we’ll enter a period of higher economic, political, and social stress. From raising tariffs to deporting millions of undocumented individuals, we can expect the new Trump administration will hit the ground running on day 1.

No matter the source, surviving increased levels of stress will require having a strong support group of family, friends, and colleagues.

Surprised?

Here’s why having life-giving social connections is important. For starters, human connection makes people smarter, happier, and more productive! Those benefits alone make connection worth actively pursuing.

You should also be aware of how connection helps protect you from being more vulnerable to stress. Research reviewed by Cacioppo and Patrick has found that lacking sufficient connection is associated with a host of negative outcomes, including the following:

• poorer cognitive performance
• impaired executive control and self-regulation (i.e., self-control)
• decreased sleep quality
• lower levels of self-rated physical health
• more intense reactions to negatives
• less uplift from positives
• greater feelings of helplessness and threat
• substance abuse
• depressive symptoms
• suicidal ideation

To assess your level of connection, I recommend you work through the “Atlas Exercise” that we use in our Connection Culture workshops. You can find the exercise embedded in the video below from the “What is your level of connection?” unit of our LinkedIn Learning course, “Creating a Connection Culture: The X-factor in Maximum Performance.” (If you are not familiar with the intermediate-level leadership course, it has had more than 55,000 learners, been rated 4.7 on a 5-point scale, and is now available in 13 languages.) The exercise will help you identify whether you need to increase connection, decrease stressors, and/or boost resilience factors in your life.

Instead of entering the next few months with a sense of dread, or diving in unprepared, take the time to shore up your foundation of connection so you can get through the stressful season ahead in better shape.

What is your level of connection? from Creating a Connection Culture by Michael Stallard

The post Stress Levels Rising? Here’s How to Prepare appeared first on Michael Lee Stallard.

At some point in life, many people experience some form of trauma. This may be a personal trauma that occurs at home or in the workplace. It might also be a collective trauma, such as the trauma experienced by many in the United States after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

A number of books have been written about trauma and how to heal from it. Two books we recommend are Untangling the Mind: Why We Behave the Way We Do by David Theodore (“Ted”) George and What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey. For those of you who don’t have the time or inclination to explore this topic more deeply, we’d like to share a few points that everyone should be aware of since the ripple effects of trauma can affect relationships and the ability to work effectively.

Trauma Is Common

For starters, trauma can occur from many types of experiences and it is much more common than most of us realize. The most frequent cause of trauma is thought to be sexual abuse. For other people, they may have been the victim of domestic abuse or violence or they were exposed to those scary situations in the home environment as a child. Being in a minor car accident or being bullied in the workplace can trigger trauma. Even if you have not personally experienced trauma, it is likely that someone you know has.

Trauma Leads to a Chronic Stress Response

In our “Creating a Connection Culture” workshops for managers and leaders, we teach that trauma is a stressor because it often causes damage to our brains that leads to a state of chronic (i.e., ongoing) stress response. Another way to state this is that people who have been traumatized can become stuck in a state of constant stress and anxiety. This state is like having a car in Park, pressing the gas pedal to the floor to rev up the engine, and then keeping it there, straining the engine while the car remains in place. It is only a matter of time before damage begins. The revving up of a human body to a state of high stress will burn it out and impair the individual’s wellness, wellbeing, and performance.

Trauma Can Cause People to Overreact

Another point to keep in mind is that people who have experienced trauma will often overreact to perceived slights or threats. Biologically, trauma has been shown to cause damage to a switch in the human brain that leads to the periaqueductal gray, a part of our brain that determines fight, flight, or shutdown response to threats. The effect of this damage is that trauma often makes people so sensitive to threat that their brain misperceives something in their environment as threatening when in fact it is not. An example that is frequently given is the returning military veteran with PTSD who hears the sound of a car backfiring and misperceives it as gunfire. In addition to sound, a triggering stimulus can also be a sight or an odor that the brain associates with the traumatic event.

Trauma Can Lead to Other Mental Health Struggles and Burnout

You may see a rise in emotions such as anger, fear, or depression. As we wrote in the 2nd edition of Connection Culture, based on conversations with Ted George, here are other reactions:

• Thought processes become programmed for survival. Black-and-white thinking overtakes rational thinking.
• Vulnerability is minimized. The ability to trust and to either love or receive love is impaired. Feeling numb or detached from others becomes the norm.
• The future becomes darkened. Preoccupation with the past serves as a constant reminder that the threatening circumstances could return. One must be vigilant and ready! Healthy relationships seem out of reach.
• Experiencing extreme emotions and associated behaviors is exhausting. Not understanding how they arise is troubling. The need to reach out for help is perceived as an exercise in futility.
• Drugs and alcohol often are used to dampen emotional pain.

The effects of trauma also factor into burnout which progresses from emotional exhaustion to depersonalization to a diminished sense of personal accomplishment, according to the academic researchers Christina Maslach and Michael Leiter.

Human Connection Can Help to Heal Trauma

The good news is that caring human connections help heal the damage caused by trauma. Speaking with a licensed mental health professional may be needed. We can each play a part by offering simple connections such as smiling, saying hello, using people’s first names, offering sincere affirmations, and finding ways to help others. These seemingly small acts can also be a source of healing the damage done by trauma.

The Bottom Line

Trauma has far-reaching consequences, but simple acts of connection can make a difference. Helping others on their journey of healing and moving forward is yet another reason greater human connection is needed today.

Katharine P. Stallard co-authored this article.

Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

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The decline of social connection and rise of loneliness in the United States has caught the attention of the U.S. Surgeon General’s office, which prompted the publication of a new advisory.

“The harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished,” writes U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy in Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community released on May 2, 2023. “Given the profound consequences of loneliness and isolation [on individual and societal health], we have an opportunity, and an obligation, to make the same investments in addressing social connection that we have made in addressing tobacco use, obesity, and the addiction crisis.”

Dr. Murthy believes that this is an “urgent public health issue” that calls for much greater public awareness as well as substantive action, and therefore it is worthy of the serious step of issuing a Surgeon General’s Advisory. Not only does the new advisory lay out an in-depth case that America is facing an epidemic of loneliness and social isolation that is harmful to our country and its citizens, it also provides a national strategy to increase social connection. We’re encouraged that the advisory calls for an increase in connection across all areas of daily life and makes recommendations to the following stakeholder groups: national, territory, state, local, and tribal governments; health workers, health care systems, and insurers; public health professionals and public health departments; researchers and research institutions; philanthropy; schools and education departments; workplaces; community-based organizations; technology companies; media and entertainment industries; parents and caregivers; and individuals.

We wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Murthy’s assessment. For nearly 20 years, we’ve been advocating for greater connection in the workplace and in life outside of work because we know the profound positive impact connection has on individuals and groups. The loneliness epidemic that has been growing, and was exacerbated by the Covid-19 pandemic, has made our mission more than just about improving engagement and productivity in the workplace. We are grateful that we had the opportunity to provide advice and feedback to the team from the Surgeon General’s office that prepared a report on improving mental health and wellbeing in the workplace that was issued in October 2022.

“If we fail to [build more connected lives and a more connected society],” warns Dr. Murthy, “we will pay an ever-increasing price in the form of our individual and collective health and well-being. And we will continue to splinter and divide until we can no longer stand as a community or a country. Instead of coming together to take on the great challenges before us, we will further retreat to our corners—angry, sick, and alone.”

Advisory Recommends “Cultivate a Culture of Connection”

Of the advisory’s six pillars to advance social connection, we’re focusing this article on the pillar of developing and sustaining cultures of connection. Here is how the advisory presents this foundational piece:

A culture of connection is vital to creating the changes needed in society. While formal programs and policies can be impactful, the informal practices of everyday life—the norms and culture of how we engage one another—significantly influence social connection. These shared beliefs and values drive our individual and collective behaviors that then shape programs and policies. We cannot be successful in the other pillars without this underlying culture of connection (italics ours).

Such a culture of connection rests on core values of kindness, respect, service, and commitment to one another. Everyone contributes to the collective culture of social connection by regularly practicing these values. Advancing this culture requires individuals and leaders to seek opportunities to do so in public and private dialogue, schools, workplaces, and in the forces that shape our society like media and entertainment, among others. Behaviors are both learned from and reinforced by the groups we participate in and the communities we are a part of. Thus, the more we observe others practicing these values, the more they will be reinforced in us.

All types of leaders and influencers (national, local, political, cultural, corporate, etc.) can use their voices to underscore these core values and model healthy social connection and dialogue. Media and entertainment shape our beliefs through the depiction of stories. These narratives can help individuals see themselves in stories and help to reduce stigma, thus enabling more connection. Further, our institutions should invest time, attention, and resources in ways that demonstrate these values.

Specifically regarding the role of workplaces, the advisory recommends the following:

• Make social connection a strategic priority in the workplace at all levels (administration, management, and employees).
• Train, resource, and empower leaders and managers to promote connection in the workplace and implement programs that foster connection. Assess program effectiveness, identify barriers to success, and facilitate continuous quality improvement.
• Leverage existing leadership and employee training, orientation, and wellness resources to educate the workforce about the importance of social connection for workplace well-being, health, productivity, performance, retention, and other markers of success.
• Create practices and a workplace culture that allow people to connect to one another as whole people, not just as skill sets, and that fosters inclusion and belonging.
• Put in place policies that protect workers’ ability to nurture their relationships outside work including respecting boundaries between work and non-work time, supporting caregiving responsibilities, and creating a culture of norms and practices that support these policies.
• Consider the opportunities and challenges posed by flexible work hours and arrangements (including remote, hybrid, and in-person work), which may impact workers’ abilities to connect with others both within and outside of work. Evaluate how these policies can be applied equitably across the workforce.

How We Can Help

If you are ready to put the advisory’s recommendations into action, we can help. Because many actions that boost connection reflect common sense, leaders often assume they are occurring in the organization (when in fact they are not). We’ve come alongside a wide range of organizations and leaders at all levels over the past two decades and we understand that what may be common knowledge may not be common practice. Our work focuses on helping you to find ways to make connection practical and integrate it into your day-to-day workflow. We’ll help you develop a connection mindset and then equip you with a connection skill set to increase connection.

If you would like to speak with us about the services we provide, contact me (Michael) at mike@connectionculture.com or call me at (203) 550-0360. We provide keynote speeches, and half-day and one-day interactive workshops and training on creating a culture of connection. In addition, check out our book, Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, now in its second edition, and our Linkedin Learning course, “Creating a Connection Culture.”

Katharine P. Stallard coauthored this article. 

Photo by Priscilla du Preez on Unsplash

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On Good Friday this year, I found myself in an operating room with my arms literally stretched out like Jesus on the cross as ten medical professionals prepared me for surgery. To my surprise, as a mask was placed over my nose and mouth to administer general anesthesia, I felt grateful rather than scared.

A few days earlier, while my wife, Katie, and I were visiting our daughter Elizabeth in Madrid, Spain, I had fallen down a few stairs at a restaurant, fracturing my left ankle and rupturing the tendon that connects my right knee cap to the quadricep muscles in my thigh. I did not know the extent of my injuries at the time but I knew I could not get up on either leg. An ambulance was called and EMTs strapped me into a special wheelchair to pull me back up to the ground floor before transporting me to a public hospital. After examining the X-rays, the doctors put split casts on both of my legs and recommended that I have surgery as soon as possible. I decided to fly back to the U.S. for surgery for a number of reasons, including the language barrier.

We Couldn’t Do It Alone: How Supportive Relationships Helped Us Through

From my years immersed in studying the benefits of human connection to individuals and groups, I was also keenly aware that being home and in the midst of our support network of family and friends would impact my recovery too. In the 2nd edition of Connection Culture, I wrote, “Although many factors are involved, the human connection that provides emotional support is one factor research has found to be associated with positive patient outcomes. … Regardless of the medical outcome, there’s no denying the comfort and strength connection can provide to those who suffer and to their caregivers.”

The injuries were painful. It was strange to suddenly not be able to walk or bear weight on either leg. We were only a few days into our vacation and we still had activities and side trips we were looking forward to. I wasn’t ready to end our time with our daughter but, thanks to the candor and adamant tone of a friend of mine who is a retired orthopedic surgeon, I realized it was important to have surgery ASAP because complications arise the longer the period between the accident and surgery. It would have been easy to slip into a state of negative emotions.

To stay positive, I kept thinking of all the people who showed us kindness in Madrid, including Elizabeth and her friends, the hotel staff and the United Airlines reservation agent who found a flight for us and seats that would have the room I needed. On our travel day, I thought about the kindness of the staff at Madrid Airport, the flight attendants on the United Airlines flight home, the people at Newark Liberty Airport in New Jersey and at Bridgeport Hospital in Connecticut. I thought about how friends sprang into action. One person picked us up at the airport and drove us the 80 miles to the hospital while two others retrieved our car parked at JFK Airport in New York, bringing it to our home in a different town in Connecticut so Katie wouldn’t have to do that. I knew family and friends were praying for us and Katie had several people helping her think through possible next steps.

My heart was grateful for all the individuals who helped us in such practical ways, but what really caught my attention in those first few days was the surge of positive emotions I experienced and how it helped put me in a positive state of mind going into surgery. What is especially surprising to me is that the positive emotions have been more like joy than mere happiness.

Thank God the surgery on both the left ankle and knee area on my right leg went well. Now I’m quickly recovering thanks to all the physicians, physician assistants, nurses, techs, physical therapists, environmental service workers and meal services staff who took care of me around the clock at the hospital in the initial days post-surgery. Katie and I made a point to befriend them and learn a little about them as individuals as well as regularly express our appreciation. Having been transferred to a rehab facility closer to home, I am grateful for all those who are coming alongside me during this next phase on my journey to recovery and being back on my feet. We’re making new friends here too.

This experience has impressed upon me just how important it is to develop a supportive community, particularly where one lives — to support and serve others when they go through inevitable difficult seasons in life and to let them support and serve you when you face hardships. The emotional uplift from the kindness and support we are receiving is helping me and Katie so that we are doing well through a difficult time.

Supportive Relationships Matter at Work Too

Why share this personal story with you? This dynamic of having supportive relationships is relevant at work too. When teams, units or organizations go through difficult times, do people turn to each other or do they turn on each other?

When people pull together in times of stress and challenge, they are capable of accomplishing great things. One example that comes to mind was captured in one of my favorite movies, Apollo 13. The Apollo 13 spacecraft was hurtling through space on its way to a planned landing on the Moon in April 1970 when a cryogenic oxygen tank exploded and compromised the generation of electrical power, oxygen for breathing and water for drinking. Back on Earth, the NASA “family” pulled together to figure out how to get the three astronauts safely home, which included figuring out how to remove dangerous levels of carbon dioxide that would build up inside the spacecraft. NASA engineers solved the problem by jerry-rigging a device they called “The Mailbox” then guiding the astronauts on how to collect materials onboard and build one. The ordeal ended well when The Mailbox worked and Apollo 13 splashed down in the South Pacific Ocean on April 17, with millions of people around the world watching on television who had pulled for and prayed for the safe return of the men onboard. NASA refers to the mission as a “successful failure.”

We do not know what a day may bring – a triumph or a tragedy, or, in my case, a slip down a few stairs that lands you in the hospital. By intentionally developing collegiality and cultures of connection, we can prepare in advance to respond when challenges arise. Don’t wait for another day or a more convenient time to establish and nurture supportive working relationships with your colleagues and people in your community.

Photo by Andrew Moca on Unsplash

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Our focus is on the importance of human connection and cultivating a culture of connection in the workplace, but what we’ve learned about connection applies beyond the realm of our work lives. The principles are relevant for individuals, community groups, sports teams, nations and even families. Knowing that a connection deficit negatively affects our own health and well-being, the health of groups and the health of society, we’ve become concerned observing how the pace and stress of life threaten to squeeze out time for supportive, lifegiving relationships and endeavors. Improving connection in the home can lead toward a more fulfilling life and healthier communities, organizations and nations.

As humans, we are hardwired to connect. Matthew Lieberman, a prominent neuroscientist, refers to human connection as a superpower because it makes us smarter, happier and more productive. It also makes us more resilient to cope with stress.

A growing body of research establishes that connection improves wellness, well-being and performance throughout our lifetime. Here are a few of the findings:

• Babies and infants who feel connected are healthier.
• Primary and secondary students who feel connected to their teachers and classmates perform better academically.
• College students who feel connected are less likely to experience anxiety, depression, addiction and suicide ideation, and they perform better academically. 
• Seniors who feel connected are mentally and physically healthier and live longer. 

Child psychology research describes love in a family in terms of forming “secure attachments,” a synonym for human connections. In Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, we wrote: 

When John Bowlby studied homeless and orphaned children following World War II, he found that children who experienced little or no connection developed emotional and behavioral problems. … Mary Ainsworth, Bowlby’s onetime student and eventual colleague, went on to conduct research on infants that identified patterns of connection that are formed in early childhood. The attachment patterns she identified were shown to affect the development of social skills, confidence, curiosity and exploratory behavior, enthusiasm, persistence in problem solving, and the ability to cope with ambiguity, change, and stress. Children with secure attachments developed well, whereas children with insecure attachments developed poorly.

Children who form secure attachments feel loved and safe and, as a result, are more likely to set out to explore the world knowing that they can return to their parents for comfort and protection if they feel unsafe or threatened. In contrast, children who develop insecure attachments are constantly on alert and they are less likely to wander around exploring their world. They are also more likely to cling to objects that provide comfort as a substitute attachment figure, often a favorite toy or blanket. (Some clinging to objects is natural but too much clinging to objects may be a sign that they are substituting it for human connection that they would typically get from a parent or caregiver.) Absent a secure attachment pattern that is formed in the human brain, children will develop one of several insecure attachment patterns that make it more difficult for them to regulate their emotions when they feel threatened or unsafe.

When children feel connected to their family, they are more confident that they are lovable and it is easier for them to love others rather than self-protect by withholding their love. It also makes them feel confident to take risks and more likely to have high aspirations. Stated another way, the love and human connection children receive at home and in their community gives them courage, which, interestingly, is derived from the French word coeur, meaning heart. 

Relational cultures either connect or disconnect people

In our research, we identified three types of relational cultures: cultures of connection, cultures of control and cultures of indifference. With cultures of control, those with power rule over the rest. It breeds an environment in which people fear to make mistakes or take risks. In some cases, the dominant person uses means that result in emotional or physical abuse. In cultures of indifference, people are so busy with tasks they don’t take time to connect which results in neglect. Cultures of control and indifference are disconnecting and can leave people feeling marginalized, lonely, underappreciated or uncertain. In cultures of connection, people humbly love and serve one another so that everyone feels a bond of connection that helps them thrive, individually and collectively.

We teach that cultures of connection exist when leaders communicate an inspiring vision to serve the greater good, they value people rather than think of and treat them as mere means to an end and they have the humility to give people a voice by seeking people’s ideas and opinions then considering them when possible before making decisions. Cultures of connection are cultivated when leaders attend to the three elements of Vision, Value and Voice. 

The word “culture” is derived from Latin and French words that refer to care and tilling the ground for agricultural purposes. It’s helpful to think of culture creation as being cultivated as we would cultivate a garden. For flowers to bloom their best, a gardener must attend to the garden’s need for water, sun and nutrients in the soil as well as any necessary weeding, pruning and protection from predators. Are the conditions conducive for healthy growth so the plants will flourish and be all they were created to be? Are there any conditions that are inhibiting growth? Are there any external factors that may harm the plants?

Cultivating a culture of connection in a family

What might cultivating a culture of connection look like in the context of a family? What attitudes, uses of language or behaviors that work in an organizational setting could you use that will foster connection at home, whether your role is a leader (i.e., parent) or a colleague (i.e., a family member)?

Vision is about identity. Chances are you don’t have vision, mission and values statements for your family carefully word-smithed the way a business organization would (though we know a few families who have thoughtfully done this). It’s worth taking the time to have conversations that explore these questions: “Who are we as a family?,” “What do we believe in?” and “What character qualities are important to us?” 

The family of Alan Mulally, one of the greatest business leaders of all time, provides a helpful example when it comes to cultivating connection through Vision. Alan’s parents taught him maxims that communicated the importance of forming human connections through humility, love and service. Before he headed off to school, his mother or father would often say, “remember, honey, the purpose of life is to love and be loved, with the first of those being the most important” or “Alan, remember, ‘to serve is to live.’” Other maxims he regularly heard included, “respect everyone; we are all creatures of God and worthy to be loved,” “it’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice,” “seek to understand, before seeking to be understood,” and “by working together with others, you can make the most positive contributions to the most people.” Nearly every one of the maxims Mulally was taught had the effect of drawing people closer to one another (i.e., connecting them) as opposed to pushing them apart from one another (i.e., disconnecting them).

The love Alan felt in his family had a huge impact on him and it informed the kind of leader he became. Alan applied “humility, love and service leadership” to lead complex projects to impressive results at Boeing Commercial Airplanes and save Ford Motor Company when he was their CEOs. The year he retired from Ford, Fortune magazine named him one of the three best leaders in the world. 

Value is about recognizing the inherent value of each individual and treating them with dignity and respect; it is loving each other as individuals and not thinking of or treating others as mere means to an end. When we take time to serve one another out of love, it connects us. 

There are a multitude of ways to demonstrate Value at home through actions we take that serve the other person and show we care. This may mean intentionally arranging your work calendar to prioritize attending a child’s concert or sporting event, making your spouse’s coffee in the morning or taking a turn to clean up the kitchen after a meal. It’s also the words we use (and the volume and tone of voice). When we see our child doing something right, it’s affirming them for what it says about them and not just what they did. And when we see them doing something wrong, it’s correcting them in a measured way that reflects our love for them rather than lashing out in anger or frustration.

As a family, Value is having meals together and using that time gathered around the table to ask each family member about what happened throughout the day. It’s less about checking up on them (what they did) and more about checking in with them (how they are doing). Listen closely and ask follow-up questions to draw out more of the story.

As a parent, look for opportunities that show your child how serving others is a way to express love and enhance connection. Giving children chores teaches them to do their part as a member of the family. As they get older, having jobs such as mowing a neighbor’s lawn, babysitting or bagging groceries gives them the experience of serving others in the community. We know families who volunteer at a local soup kitchen together or choose to spend a school vacation serving for a week at an orphanage in a poorer area.

Voice is about having the humility to seek the opinions and ideas of others. It is about bringing people “into the loop” and including them so they feel informed. At home, this might look like asking family members what they want to do on a family trip being planned. It might be steering conversations toward topics they are interested in. As children notice that you are factoring in what you learn about a family member’s interests and preferences, it makes them feel more connected. Encouraging children to “seek to understand before seeking to be understood,” as Alan Mulally’s parents taught him, will remind them to give others a voice too. 

Here’s a best practice that combines all three elements: have a weekly family meeting on Sunday. What you cover will depend on the ages and attention spans of the participants. At a minimum, use it as an opportunity for each family member to share what is coming up in the week ahead and how they feel about it. This gives you a chance to get relevant details in the calendar as well as anticipate issues and make plans to address them. (Are all the sports uniforms clean, permission slips signed, birthday gifts purchased, etc.? How is the essay for English or the important business proposal coming along? Try-outs are Thursday so let’s keep Wednesday as stress-free as possible.) More importantly, it gets everyone “on the same page” so they can go into the week from a “we” rather than “me” standpoint and be supportive of one another.

Connection’s positive role in moving us forward

Today, people are longing for connection. America was suffering from an epidemic of loneliness before the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic and the social isolation we experienced during the pandemic made it worse. Human connection is essential for our health, happiness and flourishing in life. Because technology is ubiquitous today, meeting our need for connection can be challenging. It requires putting down our smartphones, tablets and PCs then engaging with others to develop meaningful connections with the people around us. We’re optimistic and believe that re-connecting in our homes, workplaces and communities will lead to a bright future. 

This article was coauthored by Katharine P. Stallard. 

Photo by CDC on Unsplash.

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My mind is full. These days there is so much information coming at us around the clock, from so many sources. Plus, I love to learn and assimilate new research findings, stories, and perspectives into the work we are doing on connection and organizational culture. Being an integrative thinker has its strengths. It’s certainly stimulating (and sometimes exhausting). I recognize that a downside, especially for someone consistently advocating for the importance of connection in our work lives and personal lives, is that my natural bent to be in my head can be a source of disconnection.

My family will tell you I have a rich inner thought life. My family will also tell you that while I may be physically present, I am not always mentally present in the conversation at-hand. This holiday season, I’m going to work on that!

I recently had the privilege of delivering keynote speeches about cultivating cultures of connection to 500 leaders at Leadership Development Institute meetings of CHRISTUS Health in Corpus Christi and San Antonio, Texas. While there, I heard a thoughtful presentation on mindfulness given by Amy Cunningham, Program Manager for Leadership Development at CHRISTUS Health. What Amy shared helped me better understand the link between mindfulness, connection, and contentment. As I listened, it struck me that relating some of the highlights to insights from neuroscience and endocrinology would be a helpful topic for readers of our blog and monthly newsletter.

Connection and mindfulness

Paying attention on purpose, non-judgmentally, with awareness in the present moment is how Amy defined mindfulness. She used an analogy that speaks to our time to describe what we are up against: Like our smartphones, we have “apps” constantly running on autopilot, draining our battery, and distracting us from being present in the moment. They might be questions that pop up in the chatting that goes on inside of our minds, such as “I wonder what I should have for lunch?,” “Is my daughter prepared for her math test today?,” “What should I write about for my next article?”, “Did my elderly mother make it to her doctor’s appointment this morning?, “Will the weather be nice this evening so I can go outside for a walk?,” “Did I pay that bill that was due today?,” or “Is that so-and-so across the room? I need to get his attention and speak with him before he leaves.”

The ability to be mindful when we are in the presence of others will enable us to be better connectors. To disrupt our automatic tendency to constantly think about ourselves, mindfulness would have us slow down, pay attention, and notice something new about another person. As an exercise, Amy had everyone stand up, find an acquaintance or friend, converse with them for a minute, and intentionally notice something new about the person. She made the point that this type of mindfulness is essential for leaders. I agree. Being distracted or conveying indifference is disconnecting; being present and showing interest connects us.

Amy’s presentation resonated with me because mindfulness and being present have not been strengths of mine. Far too often I am thinking about something I need to do or about a problem I’m trying to solve rather than channeling my full attention on what’s going on in the present. If I don’t keep that in check while interacting with others, it’s bound to break connection. Developing the habit of noticing something new is a helpful “hack” that will boost connection during conversations. Amy also mentioned other practices that promote mindfulness, including paying attention to one’s breathing, progressive relaxation, mindful movement, journaling, and small grounding moments (including wiggling one’s toes).

Here’s a simple mindfulness action she recommended that would be appropriate to take on this month: While you are washing your hands, think of things you are grateful for. When I am stressed, pausing to name several things I am grateful for has helped me shift my mood back to the positive and optimistic. The way our brains work, you cannot feel anxious and grateful at the same time. Practicing gratitude has other benefits too. Over the past two decades, studies have consistently found that people who practice gratitude report fewer symptoms of illness (including depression), more optimism and happiness, stronger relationships, and more generous behavior.

Connection, mindfulness, and contentment

There is another reason I believe mindfulness is a useful tool and it has to do with what goes on at the molecular level of our bodies. I’m often thinking about the future things I want to get done. This future orientation increases the neurotransmitter dopamine in our brain. Dopamine is associated with the pleasure and reward pathways, and the positive emotion that makes us desire what we don’t have and motivates us to go after the things we desire. Noticing the present, savoring the good moments, boosts the positive emotion of contentment and calls on the neurotransmitter serotonin.

Both of these natural chemicals have important and different roles to play. When it comes to being an intentional connector, however, dopamine is the one we should keep our eye on. While it is a good and useful thing to have an internal spark to pursue a goal and persevere on your quest to attain it, too much dopamine is a cause for concern.

In their book The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity—and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race, authors Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long give this interesting insight: “Dopamine has no standard for good, and seeks no finish line. The dopamine circuits in the brain can be stimulated only by the possibility of whatever is shiny and new, never mind how perfect things are at the moment. The dopamine motto is ‘More’”.

Here’s another characteristic to be aware of: Like certain addictive substances, a person needs more dopamine to produce the same positive emotion over time. In organizations, leaders who have dopaminergic personalities are never satisfied. They continuously push people to achieve unrealistic goals in pursuit of boosting their own personal wealth, power, or status. This obsessive pursuit can overwhelm people working for dopaminergic leaders and create high levels of anxiety, incivility, stress, declining employee engagement, and rising burnout (and may push them toward an addiction of their own as they try to cope). Failing to feed the dopamine habit triggers pains of withdrawal. An individual who is overly reliant on dopamine may be headed for a crash.

In addition to drawing on normal levels of dopamine, the most effective leaders benefit from other sources of positive emotion in the brain that make them more stable and in touch with the people they lead. Lieberman and Long contrast the “future-oriented dopamine” with “present-oriented chemicals, a collection of neurotransmitters we call the Here and Now molecules . . . [which] include serotonin and oxytocin, endorphins and endocannabinoids. . . . As opposed to the pleasure of anticipation via dopamine, these chemicals give us pleasure from sensation and emotion.”

Describing the interplay of these neurotransmitters, the authors explain that “though dopamine and [Here and Now] (‘H&N’) circuits can work together, under most circumstances they counter each other. When H&N circuits are activated, we are prompted to experience the real world around us, and dopamine is suppressed; when dopamine circuits are activated, we move into a future of possibilities and H&Ns are suppressed.”

In his book The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains, Robert H. Lustig sets out the differences between reward (driven by dopamine) and contentment (driven by serotonin). In the table below, I’ve summarized his observations.

Lustig writes, “Reward, when unchecked, can lead us into misery, like addiction. Too much substance use (food, drugs, nicotine, alcohol) or compulsive behaviors (gambling, shopping, surfing the Internet, sex) will overload the reward pathway and lead not just to dejection, destitution, and disease but not uncommonly death as well”.

Keeping reward-seeking behavior in balance clearly matters to our wellbeing, and that’s where serotonin and the other Here and Now sources of positive emotion play a role. These counter-balancing emotions primarily come from healthy relationships at home and work. That’s good news for people who have an abundance of connection in their lives, and yet another reason why using mindfulness techniques to focus on the present is so important.

Will you join me?

As we approach the holiday season here in the U.S., I’m going to intentionally look for something new in each conversation I have while at work and while interacting with my family and friends. My hope is that this practice will help me develop the habit of being more mindful in conversations and ultimately better connect with others.

Will you consider joining me in trying out this practice? By being truly present we will be giving others and ourselves valuable gifts that cannot be bought: the gifts of connection and contentment.

Portions of this article are excepted from the 2nd edition of Connection Culture.

Photo by Kelsey Chance on Unsplash

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The image of trees being whipped back and forth during a storm is an appropriate analogy for humans weathering especially stressful seasons in life. It was on my mind as I followed the coverage of Hurricane Ian and the destruction it left in its wake at the same time I was reading new research that came out on rising burnout among physicians. I thought of how those in healthcare have been battered by a fierce hurricane called the Covid-19 pandemic. They faced a powerful and unpredictable foe, one that shifted and adapted as it went along, one that was fatal to some it encountered and left others unscathed. Shaken and tested by what must have felt like an unrelenting storm in the first year, some in healthcare were able to persevere and remain standing strong and some fell. Still others are upright, but for how much longer?

Hurricane Ian toppled many sturdy-looking trees, exposing their roots. Because their root systems were insufficiently deep and wide to anchor the trees, they were vulnerable to wind bursts, especially if the ground was overly-saturated with water. Trees with shallow and tight root systems tended to blow over; trees with deep and wide root systems were more likely to stay standing because their well-developed root systems made them resilient to cope with the stress.

The strongest and most resilient trees have roots that are interconnected with roots of other trees around them. I’ve learned that trees with interconnected root systems have been shown to support one another, not only providing a strong anchor of support against hurricane-force winds, but also through moving nutrients from strong trees to trees that are struggling.

I am in awe of healthcare professionals who have remained in the profession through the pandemic. Many are weary yet they remain standing and doing the important work of serving the health needs of people in their communities. Still, I am concerned for them.

After studying clinician wellbeing and resilience, the National Academy of Medicine recommended six essential elements to support clinician wellbeing, one of which is cultivating a culture of connection and support. Although these elements came out of the context of healthcare, they are relevant to every organization that recognizes the seriousness of burnout and wants to take steps to improve employee engagement and well-being. Because my expertise is in cultivating a culture of connection, and I believe it is presently the most urgent need, I will focus my comments on that element.

Seeing your organization as a living and relational organism

There is a flipside to an article I wrote about how cultivating a culture of connection provides an extraordinary opportunity to win the war for talent and it is this: If leaders don’t take action to help reduce stress and improve workplace social environments, people are going to break down. The current high levels of stress and disconnection (loneliness and social isolation) in our society are going to have a catastrophic human cost.

We need to change our view of organizations. The people who make up our organizations are not cogs in a machine, replaceable and expendable parts churning out whatever the product may be. If they are treated in a way that makes them feel controlled, unimportant, underappreciated or invisible, many will struggle because of a lack of connection. Their attitude, energy and productivity will suffer.

In my mind’s eye, I’m seeing the human cost of less-than-healthy work cultures as a forest with many fallen trees. Like a tree, we need to be in a healthy environment in which our roots can grow deep and wide so we can flourish and blossom. To be truly engaged, we must feel connected to and supported by the “trees” around us as well.

Research over recent decades clearly shows that the social environment we are in has a profound effect on us. From a biological standpoint, connection improves the cardiovascular, endocrine and immune systems’ performance. Matthew Lieberman, a leading neuroscientist, refers to connection as a “superpower” because it makes humans smarter, happier and more productive.

In contrast, research has found that disconnection is unhealthy for individuals. Loneliness is associated with poorer cognitive performance. Loneliness may impair executive control and self-regulation so that we are more impulsive. Loneliness is associated with substance abuse, depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation. Given these findings, it follows that researchers found greater loneliness leads to poorer task, team role and relational performance.

Allowing others to see into you

In our American culture that prizes individualism, we are reluctant to show what might be perceived as weakness or burden others with our problems so we often push on alone. I used to think that way earlier in my career but now I know better. Fixing our broken workplace cultures may require a change in our own mindset. We need to be intentional about developing supportive relationships that go beyond a surface level.

There are many ways to go about this. I would recommend beginning by having someone or a group of people with whom you can share some of the positives and negatives you experience each week. The simple act of sharing our positives and negative experiences calms our nervous systems and shifts brain activity to the cortex where we make rational decisions. In other words, if we allow others to see what we are thinking and feeling, we feel better and we make better decisions.

As I explained in Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding, mutual empathy is a powerful connector that is made possible by mirror neurons in our brains. When we attune to the emotions of others, it makes them feel connected to us. When we attune to their positive emotion, it enhances the positive emotion they feel. When we attune to their pain, it diminishes the pain they feel. In other words, the “highs” feel higher when others join you in your joy or excitement and the “lows” feel less low when others are with you in times of pain or loss.

Jason Pankau, a friend of mine, once told me that he thought of intimacy as in-to-me-see. That’s what we must do on a regular basis: allow others to see inside of us. Those close friendships are the ones in which you feel a level of trust that allows you to be even more open.

My hope is that these thoughts I’ve shared will encourage you to think about your own “root system” and how you will strengthen your connections with your colleagues at work and also with your family and friends in your community.

Why not take the first step and reach out to a few people and ask them to meet you for coffee or to go on a walk? As you get to know them, ask them about their highs and lows over the last week and share yours. Listen closely. Here’s an important tip: Don’t try to solve their problems unless they ask for your advice. By engaging in the simple act of conversation, you will be developing and deepening the unseen root system that will make you and those you connect with smarter, happier, more productive and more resilient.

Photo by Arnaud Mesureur on Unsplash

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The FBI reports that people who become active shooters often feel socially rejected: “Time and again, targeted violence offenders have claimed to be persecuted and alienated from their peers, family and world at large, viewing themselves as outsiders and not part of a larger social network.”

That characteristic of a person who turns to violence should be part of the conversation as concerned citizens, experts in a variety of fields, law enforcement, and elected officials at all levels of government grapple with what can be done about the increasing incidents of mass shootings. In what will need to be a multi-prong approach, it happens to be a piece that each of us can do something about.

After a speech I gave on the power of human connection in the workplace, a man approached me with a story that he learned in active shooter training that the FBI provided for his company. It underscored the findings I had shared and my call for all of us to become intentional connectors.

The FBI had identified a man as a person of interest and had agents pay him a visit. They discovered that he had gone as far as deciding on the specific individuals at his job who he wanted to kill, devising a plan, and purchasing weapons and ammunition. Then something happened that made him change his mind: one of his intended targets invited him to a party. Chances are the colleague had no idea that this gesture of connection would be the turning point that prevented a tragedy.

When someone or multiple individuals reach out and connect with those who are lonely or isolated, it can short-circuit a chain of events that otherwise might lead to an act of violence against oneself (suicide), another (homicide), or others (mass murder).

I know this is a complex topic and sometimes connecting with the lonely or left out individual is not easy. Your efforts may not be enough to deter the person from acting out and you may need to bring in professional help. But I believe that more often than not, connection can make the difference. Let me explain why.

Tapping the Power of Human Connection

In my books and teaching, I’ve made the case that positive human connection helps individuals and organizations thrive. It is the X factor in a culture that brings out the best in people; a connection culture fuels cooperation and collaboration and propels the ongoing success of a group.

Conversely, the absence or breakdown of connection between people sabotages performance, impedes the flow of knowledge and innovation, and sets a negative course. It can leave people feeling marginalized and angry about how they are being treated by those around them.

What I’ve learned about connection relates to our lives outside of work too. Because the loneliness epidemic and high levels of stress today are contributing to soaring mental health problems, suicide, and violence, including mass murders, it is important to understand that bolstering human connection helps address these problems as well.

Previously I’ve written about how the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recommended connectedness to reduce the risk of suicide. Given our focus on connection, my colleagues and I have been brought in to do work for several business, government, healthcare, and education organizations to help them reduce the risk of suicide among their ranks. In this article I will turn my attention to the role that connection can play in reducing the risk of harm being directed toward others.

Insights from Science

An underlying issue to understand is that when people feel excluded, they experience pain. What they do to mitigate that pain is what matters.

We are hard-wired to connect. As I shared in “Boost Connectedness to Reverse the Rise of Suicides in America,” research summarized in Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by the late John Cacioppo and William Patrick supports that connection is an indispensable resource to help us thrive as well as cope with stressors and threats we face in life. Studies have shown that disconnection can undermine several resilience factors, including getting adequate sleep and physical exercise, and eating healthy, all of which are important to cope with chronic stress. Research has also shown that a lack of sufficient connection is associated with increased vulnerability to other stressors, a more intense reaction to negatives, less emotional boost from positives, greater feelings of helplessness and threat, and impaired cognitive function.

Have you noticed that we use words associated with physical pain when describing situations related to feeling socially disconnected (our feelings are hurt; we are heart-broken; we’re being crushed by grief; we are emotionally scarred)? According to brain research done at UCLA using fMRI scans, when people feel socially excluded, it activates the parts of the brain that register physical pain and alert bodily systems that “something is wrong.” (As an aside, other studies have shown that social pain triggers an inflammatory response in the brain just as physical pain does. Taking acetaminophen reduced the inflammation in study participants and they reported fewer hurt feelings than participants who took a placebo.) The UCLA researchers noted, “This study suggests that social pain is analogous in its neurocognitive function to physical pain, alerting us when we have sustained injury to our social connections, allowing restorative measures to be taken.”

The best way to counter and eliminate the social pain from loneliness and disconnection is to connect with others. Unfortunately, another insight from science is that loneliness undermines one’s ability to reconnect. This makes it especially important for others to initiate connection.

If attempts at restoring connection fall flat or seem beyond reach, then what? The lonely person often turns to addictive behaviors and/or substances as a means of coping and to numb the pain.

Sometimes the person will displace the pain by taking it out on someone else. Displacement aggression might be directed at the person believed to have caused the social pain (i.e., a supervisor or colleagues) or at random people (for example, school children and their teachers). When Robert Sapolsky at Stanford studied aggression in baboons, he found that stress hormones declined in baboons after they took out their frustrations by physically attacking other baboons that had lower power and status in the tribe’s social hierarchy.

What You Can Do

The first step to addressing this problem of loneliness potentially leading to violence is becoming informed. Being aware of the negative consequences of feeling consistently lonely and disconnected, and the many positive benefits of connection, is important. Spread the word by sharing this article with others.

The second step is to observe those around you. Remember, loneliness is a subjective feeling. Someone can feel lonely while surrounded by people. So what might you look for? Do you have a colleague who is staying more on the edges of the group recently or is pulling completely away from the group? Is there a person who seems to be over-reacting to comments or situations? It might be because they are under a lot of stress but consider whether loneliness is a factor. What steps can you take to connect with that person? If something about the person’s attitudes, words, or behaviors is raising red flags and you have a safety concern, who do you need to bring that to?

We can all learn from the 5th grade teacher in this article who, following the mass shooting at Columbine High School in 1999, devised a system to identify children in her classroom who may feel lonely, left out, or who are being bullied or are struggling to connect with other children. Then she comes alongside them to ensure they get the help they need. Her deep concern, as captured by the writer, is that “… all violence begins with disconnection. All outward violence begins as inner loneliness. … [The teacher] watched that tragedy knowing that children who aren’t being noticed may eventually resort to being noticed by any means necessary.”

As I learned 15 years ago while helping rocket scientists in the engineering section of the NASA Johnson Space Center become better connectors, sometimes all it takes is to help someone find the right language to connect with others and encourage them to make the effort.

It is important to note that if your colleague is showing signs of distress that could result in harm to themselves or to others, do not delay in connecting them with the appropriate professionals to help. Connection is a powerful preventative, but it may not be a sufficient remedy for those already deep into a mental health crisis. Bringing in professionals trained to work with those in crisis situations is a wise decision for the safety of everyone involved.

Third, take action to cultivate cultures of connection in your home, community, and workplace that foster respect, recognition, and a sense of belonging. A culture of connection makes people smarter, happier, more productive, more resilient to cope with stress, and less likely to commit suicide, homicide, mass murder, or sexual assault.

Conclusion

Following the rash of mass shootings we’ve experienced of late, we urgently need to address this problem from every angle, including steps we can take as a society to combat loneliness so there are fewer people who feel socially rejected. How can we extend kindness to everyone in our community so they feel they belong? You never know what a smile, a kind word, a listening ear and empathetic comment, a helping hand, or a “come join us” might mean to someone who is lonely and under duress.

Photo courtesy of Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

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Emotions are contagious. For that reason, you need to pay attention to your own emotions and those of the people around you.

At work, how would you characterize the emotional state of your team? If you were to think of it as a river, is the quality of the water life-giving and invigorating, or some level of toxic? Is the water current robust or more of a trickle?

A strong current of positive emotions can create an increasing sense of enthusiasm, energy, and momentum, propelling you forward and fueling positive results. Hopefully, you’ve observed or experienced that at some point in your work life. Chances are good you’ve seen the impact of being in an environment contaminated by negative emotions and how it taints the level of trust, cooperation, and productivity. A strong current of negative emotions may threaten to steer you off course or even sink you.

Now, it would be unrealistic to think that a work environment could be free of any and all negative emotions. When faced with challenges and setbacks, it is normal to feel and express disappointment or confusion or frustration. An environment steeped in negativity, however, is bad for your emotional (and physical) health and it will undermine your performance. It may be exhausting to have to tread water or swim against that kind of current day after day.

The third consecutive year of the global pandemic is making positivity more challenging to achieve. But the emotional waters were choppy even before then. Negative emotions in the workplace — particularly worry, stress, sadness, and anger — have been rising for years, peaking in 2020, according to the most recent research by the Gallup Organization. We believe negativity in the workplace is one of the primary drivers of the “Great Resignation.”

Today’s prevalence of negative emotions begs the question: How can leaders cultivate a culture that produces a steady flow of positive emotions?

Positive emotions “broaden and build”

Besides being more enjoyable and less stressful, why is it important to be in an environment of predominantly positive emotions? Is assessing and addressing the emotional state of a team really worth a leader’s time and attention?

To answer these questions, we’ve turned to the research of Professor Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina, one of the most highly-cited contributors to psychological science. Fredrickson has said, “There are two core truths about positive emotions. One is that they open us. They literally change the boundaries of our minds and our hearts, and change our outlook on our environment. … The second core truth about positive emotions is that they transform us for the better. They bring out the best in us.”

Fredrickson’s broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions holds that everyday experiences of positive emotions both open the mind and nourish the growth of resources that have a positive impact on future emotional well-being. A diagram of the theory presents it this way: Experiencing positive emotions leads to a broadening of the mind and “novel thoughts, activities, relationships” which lead to “building enduring resources (e.g., social support, resilience, skills, and knowledge)” which leads to “enhanced health, survival, fulfillment” which produces more experiences of positive emotions (see diagram below).

Fredrickson has been conducting research related to positive emotions for several decades and she reports these varied benefits:

• “People are more likely to be resilient. People are able to bounce back better from adversity when they’re experiencing positive emotions.”
• “People are more trusting.”
• “People are more creative.”
• “People come to better win-win solutions in negotiations.“
• “[One study] looked at how positive emotions allow us to look past racial and cultural differences and see the unique individual … to see past difference and to see toward oneness.”

Positive emotions expand our vision

What really captured our attention in Dr. Fredrickson’s research are the findings related to a person’s vision and awareness. She has described it this way: “…positive emotions open our awareness. They increase the expanse of our peripheral vision. We see more.” Studies conducted using behavioral tests, eye-tracking, and brain-imaging show positive emotions broaden the scope of a person’s visual attention. In other words, we literally notice more around us.

That makes sense. If you are working on a team in which negative emotions are prevalent, you might choose to keep your head down, not just figuratively speaking but literally. Focusing on the task in front of you and trying to stay out of the line of fire, chances are you will miss things and have a more limited view.

Fredrickson goes on to highlight the benefits of having a broadened view: “Because we see more, we see more possibilities. People come up with more ideas about what they might do next when they’re experiencing a positive emotion relative to when they’re experiencing neutral states or negative emotions. …  In addition, we’re also seeing the big picture. At a very fundamental level, we’re able to see larger systems, see larger forms of interconnection, when we’re experiencing positive emotions.”

Positive emotions need to outnumber negative emotions

The positive emotions that get the most attention from researchers include amusement (humor), awe, gratitude, hope, inspiration, interest (curiosity), joy, love, pride, and serenity (contentment). How much of them do you need in order to have an environment in which you can thrive? That is not a settled matter among scholars, though there is agreement that you need a higher level of positive emotions to counter the impact of a negative emotion. It’s not an even swap. Fredrickson counsels that multiple positive emotions are needed for each negative emotion we experience.

Why is that? Unfortunately, our human tendency is to gravitate toward and give more attention to the negative. This is known as negativity bias. Which is more likely to stick with you and have you still thinking about it a few days later: the critical comment from a colleague or the compliment? Certainly there are times when a preoccupation with “what went wrong, what is going wrong, what could go wrong” is useful. Left unchecked, though, negativity bias can get us emotionally sidetracked by a negative moment in an otherwise good day. It can make us quickly forget, or discount, any affirming messages that accompanied that corrective comment when receiving constructive feedback. Research suggests that “negative emotions last longer than positive ones, that we tend to spend more time thinking about negative events, and that we often reason about them more.”

Our innate ability as humans to reactively mimic the emotions and accompanying behaviors of another person is referred to as emotional contagion. We spotted it in action when we were on a video call with one of our grown daughters, laughing together about something, and soon her two-year-old daughter started laughing right along with us, oblivious to what gave us the giggles in the first place. It’s good to be reminded that positive emotions are contagious too, not just the negative ones!

Is there a particular negative emotion that is circulating in the emotional current of your team? Have you noticed it infecting more than one person? What actions can you take to address it? What can you do to raise the level of positive emotions in the current and make those even more contagious than the negative one?

“Positivity resonance” from human connection has the greatest impact

Fredrickson’s research has also found that positive emotions arising from connection between people have the greatest positive impact. She refers to it as “positivity resonance” and it occurs when the following three events transpire:

1. a sharing of one or more positive emotion between you and another person,
2. a synchrony between you and the other person’s biochemistry and behaviors, and
3. a reflected motive to invest in each other’s well-being that brings mutual care.

Last year, I (Michael) had the pleasure of speaking directly with Dr. Fredrickson to learn even more about her and her ongoing work. What jumped out to me from our conversation was that her research is finding that when people experience positivity resonance, including a feeling of oneness with the other person and a concern for their welfare, those moments of connection are what build up a more lasting and durable concern for the welfare of others. Her research provides empirical evidence that experiences connecting with others lead to prosocial virtues and behaviors. In other words, you can say to someone, “You should care about your colleagues” but what is more effective is for that person to have connecting experiences that produce those feelings and inclinations to care about their colleagues. Fredrickson said her research also “points to what is lost when humans don’t connect.”

To learn more about Barbara Fredrickson and her work, read her latest book, Love 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection.

Positive emotions increase in cultures of connection

Fredrickson’s work aligns with our work on the importance of a team’s and organization’s culture. Cultures of control and cultures of indifference impede the flow of positive emotions and are a breeding ground for disconnection between people thus sabotaging individual and organizational performance; cultures of connection foster positive emotions and opportunities for positivity resonance thus supporting individual and organizational performance.

Cultures of connection are created and sustained when leaders:

1. communicate a vision that unites people,
2. value people as individuals and don’t think of or treat them as mere means to an end, and
3. give people a voice to share their ideas and opinions on matters that are important to them then consider their feedback before making decisions.

Vision + Value + Voice = Connection. Cultures of connection create a work environment where individuals will experience positive emotions and where friendships are made and positivity resonance develops among colleagues.

How to increase relational connections in the workplace

The impact of the pandemic as well as the move to more remote work may have weakened or frayed relational connections at work, opening up cracks for negative emotions to seep through. Perhaps there are colleagues who joined the team and have had little time around the others. Now would be an important time to boost human connection and positivity resonance.

Professor Ashley E. Hardin of Washington University has found that greater personal knowledge leads to a more human perception of a colleague, which results in increased responsiveness and decreased social undermining. With this in mind:

1. One-on-one: Take time to personally connect with the individuals you are responsible for leading as well as with your “critical connections,” i.e., the people with whom you collaborate, coordinate, and cooperate, and any you rely on to do your work well. Get to know more about their lives outside of work. Can you identify any interests, experiences, or values you have in common? Actively look for ways to affirm them with genuine compliments that generate positive emotions.
2. As a team: Be intentional about taking time for team building that connects and unites your team. Furthermore, help your colleagues understand the power of human connection and how it is essential along with task excellence in order to achieve sustainable superior performance.
3. Between teams: Is there another team or department that your team interfaces with often or relies on? Coordinate with the leaders of those groups to have joint team-building and social events that strengthen connection.

Cultivating cultures of connection that produce an upward spiral of positivity and performance is especially important today when we are trying to recover from a challenging and difficult season. The leaders who connect with people they are responsible for leading and nurture cultures of connection will emerge from the pandemic well-positioned to lead their organizations to greater heights.

This article was co-authored by Katharine P. Stallard.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

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The holidays are a particularly difficult time for those who are already struggling with loneliness, depression, and feelings of hopelessness. This can lead to burnout or even suicidal thoughts.

Fortunately, there is hope. As I shared in a recent conversation with Pat Farnack of New York City’s WCBS Radio, seeking counsel from a good therapist can help you to see a way forward. Talking about your struggles engages the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain involved in rational decision making, and calms the amygdala, which processes threats. The net effect is that you feel better and also are able to make rational decisions.

For all of us, take the time to reach out to those who are isolated during the holidays. Most leaders care about people, but they don’t always show it. Check in on your direct reports to see how they are doing. Look for opportunities to include those who are lonely.

Finally, if you are struggling today, please seek help. You can reach the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273- TALK (8255).

Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash

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